Satire: Meet Mr. Schlossnagle

Dear Texas University,

I’m sorry that man is your coach, let me be honest

It takes a man to be a man, unfortunately, he’s a con artist

I look at him and wish he never would’ve donned the Maroon and White

Lying through his teeth and leaving in the dead of night 

To Austin he goes now and y’all can really have him 

Just keep in mind, he’ll leave whether it’s going good or looking grim

Leaving teams is his staple

This is the real him, meet Mr. Schlossnagle

 

Dear Aggie baseball players,

Going to battle with each other this postseason

Coming so close to success, I hope y’all will listen to reason

His foot was out the door way before the final three games

Playing unknowingly against your own coach, he has no shame

For those staying, I applaud y’all for toughing it out

For those leaving, I pray the best for y’all on the next route

Honor the Aggie core values and preserve this

Respect, excellence, leadership, loyalty, integrity and selfless service

Yes he’s a coach of the year, won numerous games and been to the College World Series

And a deadbeat Aggie who should be erased from our memories

 

Dear Coach Schlossnagle,

Why did you have to stoop so low to discredit Mr. Zane?

In front of millions of eyeballs, what did you have to gain?

Why did you have to bring Mr. Elko into this?

Supporting you and the team every step of the way, that shot was amiss

The trip back to College Station was supposed to be a celebration of the team

Yet you made it all about you and took it away from the players it seems

An Aggie does not lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do

Broke every single one, you and your crew

There’s nothing else that us Aggies can say more

Just don’t hit your head on your way out the door

 

– Chendrick Lamar