Rating: 4/10

What would happen if you gave a millennial cat lady a billion dollars, a football star fiance with a supposedly large appendage and access to some of the top pop producers in the world? For better or worse, you get Taylor Swift’s “The Life of a Showgirl.”

Taylor is the world’s largest pop star, smashing multiple records every time she releases an album. “The Life of a Showgirl” has already had the biggest opening week for any United States album since Adele’s “25” and Spotify’s single-day streaming record.

But do large numbers equate to a strong album?

“The Life of a Showgirl” is a surprisingly weak showcase by Taylor, providing lackluster writing and a weak vision that does not live up to its promise. 

This album was presented as a peek behind the curtains for Swift. While her Eras Tour had taken over the world, what did this showgirl do when the lights turned off and she was left all alone? 

The emotions I experienced while listening to this album at the time of release ranged from happiness to total despair. How could a consistently excellent singer-songwriter such as Taylor have such a disappointing album? Instead of 12 bulletproof “bangers” like we were promised, we were left with a roller coaster of songs of varying quality and replayability. 

“The Life of a Showgirl” is what happens when an album cycle is rushed. It was produced during the summer of 2024, months after Swift’s previous album — “The Tortured Poets Department” — was released. This is simply not enough time to make an interesting album.

This album is at its best when the song’s concept is clear and concise. Her lead single — “The Fate of Ophelia” — is easily the best song of the album. When you think of a classic Max Martin pop song, this is one that should come to mind. With its earworm-y hook and amazing music video, this is the perfect song to lead the album and attempt to give us a roadmap of what’s to come. 

Songs such as “Opalite,” “Father Figure” and “Elizabeth Taylor” are able to keep this positive flow going, as great but not amazing tracks that showcase different aspects of Taylor’s life post-engagement and regaining her master’s.

But “The Life of a Showgirl” quickly loses its shine after the first four tracks with songs like “Eldest Daughter” and “Wood.” Dressing up like wolves and being fire is not the slay that she thought it was, and if I have to hear about Travis Kelce’s redwood tree again, I might go insane. 

Unfortunately, this style of cringey millennial writing has taken over and given us some of Taylor’s weakest and most childish songs she has ever written. This album has the subtlety of a fire truck, and her songwriting is the biggest victim. 

Taylor is at her best when she can take her life experiences — however unrelatable they are — and create a song that can touch on the core emotions we can all relate to. “WI$H LI$T” and “Ruin the Friendship” are good concepts for songs that fail to deliver any sort of substance for listeners. 

Taylor is the girl who has never gotten over anything, and that is present throughout this entire album. “Actually Romantic” tackles her fraught relationship with Charli XCX and her love of the supposed animosity Charli has for her. This is the most interesting track on the album because it paints a portrait of two women who cannot be friends with each other, even if they cannot admit it. 

Charli XCX is effortlessly cool — which Taylor wants to be, but never will be. And Charli will never have the fame that Taylor has. These two iconic opposing forces have now created an unexpected feud that we will hopefully be hearing less from in Taylor’s next tracks. 

“CANCELLED!” is a missed opportunity for Taylor to comment on women who “girlboss too close to the sun.” She tries to be scary, but ends up being a lesser recreation of her “Reputation” era. 

The only thing that is worse than being bad is being forgettable, and that is exactly what the final two tracks of this album are. “Honey” and “The Life of a Showgirl” (feat. Sabrina Carpenter) are not only boring to listen to, but don’t add anything already said by better songs to the album.

A showgirl is a woman who is misunderstood but shimmers in the spotlight. “The Life of a Showgirl” is an album that lacks any subtlety and fails to say anything of substance throughout its short duration. 

Instead of an album that gives us a glimpse of the biggest showgirl of them all, we got an “I love Travis Kelce!” album with a couple weakly written diss tracks mixed in. 

This is not Taylor’s best work, and I fail to see her work improving in the future. With more time, a better album could be made that actually represents Taylor’s life as a showgirl. Maybe a Tay-vis divorce album will give us that classic Swift writing we so desperately need. 

Wyatt Pickering is a business honors and finance junior and opinion columnist for The Battalion.