Fifty Shades of Grey” is like a romantic comedy that believes it’s the “Mona Lisa” of films.
Entering the movie theater, I didn’t know what to expect and I kept thinking to myself, “This could be good, you never know.” However, within 10 minutes I knew I didn’t like the movie.
Actors Jamie Dornan (Christian Grey) and Dakota Johnson (Anastasia Steele) are the least compatible couple that can possibly be in a movie together. Christian has the blandest personality held next to Anastasia’s — Ana for short — who provides comic relief throughout the entire movie.
The story is mainly about transition, the loss of innocence and the parallel transformation that happens between the two main characters. Ana is introduced to a sexual world, embracing it quickly and soon becoming Christian’s willing submissive. Christian starts off cold as a statue, but soon finds himself doing things for her that he’s never done, making it seem like he’s falling in love, which is something he admits he doesn’t do.
Christian states multiple times that he does not go on dates, yet by the next scene the two go out on one. Then he says he doesn’t sleep in the same bed with anyone. Sure enough, in the next scene he is shown sleeping in the same bed as Ana.
The movie is plagued with useless scenes like this, with no character development, ending with the two main characters kissing then saying something really corny, wanting the audience to perceive it as really profound and romantic.
Christian Grey should be locked up in prison. It’s completely illogical to fall in love with him. Although he might have looks and money, the bad vibes radiating from this guy are insane. He is terrifyingly creepy and gives off every imaginable sign that he’s a serial killer. Ana is never able to be alone because Christian shows up wherever she is — in a very Spiderman-esque way, albeit much creepier — adding to his perpetually disturbing personality. For example, he shows up at her work after meeting her the day before and buys some rope, masking tape and of course, cable ties.
I don’t know if it was the fault of director Sam Taylor-Johnson or of the actors, but the movie just didn’t put me in the characters’ shoes. The characters in the movie are sub-par and merely stay on screen rather than connecting to the audience. Throughout the movie, during the most intense scenes, people could be heard laughing in the theater, myself included.
Naked scenes were abundant, unsurprisingly, so watching this movie with anyone other than your closest friends or by yourself could make for an awkward occasion.
The soundtrack was all over the place, playing everything from Frank Sinatra to a horrible attempt at a classical version of Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love.”
“50 Shades of Grey,” was so mediocre that by next Valentines Day it will have faded into obscurity and be nothing more than an unpleasant memory. That is, until the next movie in the series comes out.
Jack Riewe is an English junior and life
and arts writer for The Battalion.