Rock ‘n’ roll went on life support on Feb. 27, 2003.
When the popular rock radio station KTSR 92.1 FM got the axe in favor of another top-40 station, rock ‘n’ roll in Central Texas woke up in a bathtub full of ice with its kidneys missing.
As it lay slowly rotting from the inside out and listeners tuned in to Mix 104.7 FM to hear Metallica played side by side with Avril Lavigne, hard rock had no idea that Clear Channel Communications was waiting to deliver the final blow.
On Nov. 12, the company abruptly switched Rock 101 KLOL, the only rock station that College Station residents could receive in a market with nine top-40, three dozen country and 15 rap stations, to the bilingual “Mega 101, Latino and proud.”
It’s bad enough that the classic rock station here plays nothing but Steely Dan and Don Henley. It’s regrettable enough that all the local “rock” bands are like the deranged love children of Blink 182 and The Toadies. This, however, was the final straw.
Hard rock and metal around here are nonexistent. I defy anyone to name a single band outside of Pantera that has risen to any degree of prominence from the great state of Texas. Drowning Pool doesn’t count; it’s the consensus around the offices at Rokken Roll Thunder that when the band’s first lead singer died, it was not so much tragedy as much as it was a sign from God that they just sucked so badly that one of them had to die.
I would almost rather listen to songs about tractors and America and Ford Trucks and whatever else it is country artists croon about than Linkin Park’s misspelled teenage angst. I would probably rather watch “American Idol” (those kids have actual talent, plus Paula Abdul is somewhere between Reba McEntire and the mom from “Home Improvement” on the “over 35, but still hot” scale) than listen to Slipknot howling tunelessly about whatever it is its lyrics are about; presumably Ford trucks and America, as well.
It used to be that you had to have talent to be a rocker, but not a pop star. I fear that the opposite is becoming the norm. Most “metal” artists couldn’t play their way out of a Jagermeister-soaked bag. At least pop stars are incredibly talented at lip-synching and having reality shows on MTV and endorsing Pizza Hut, and that’s just in one family.
Sure it’s easy to bellyache about it in a student news daily, so I intend to do something about it. That’s right; I’m starting my own radio station. I hope to acquire the old 92.1 frequency for my new venture, KRKK: The Thunder.
The Thunder will play nothing but music made between 1978 and 1996. Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax and Slayer will never again be on the same play list as musical sell-out abortions 3 Doors Down and Hoobastank. The torture of listening to multi-million-dollar recording artists Staind sing about how depressed they are will be replaced by Alice in Chains, Soundgarden and Rush. In the land of KRKK, Stone Temple Pilots and Guns n’ Roses will remain separate but equal, just as God intended.
College students will once again be privy to the greatness of bands like Diamondhead and Manowar. Songs about Norse mythology, missing from American airwaves since the heyday of Led Zeppelin, will once again be in vogue.
With the help of this community, I will stamp out the nu-metal menace. With your generous assistance, Maynard James Keenan and Marilyn Manson will be scared to show their sickly pale faces in public again. Only with your help will I vanquish hard rock’s public enemy No. 1: Lowry Mays.