Yesterday, I was walking down the stairs when some guy passed by me and said, “What’s up bro?”
I found this to be confusing because this guy was not my brother, nor did I ever pledge an eternal allegiance of sacred loyalty and brotherhood to him or anyone who looked like him.
That’s when it dawned on me: This kid was one of the Afflicted. He was a bro. He must have seen my flip-flops and assumed that I was part of his beer-pong-playing, Affliction-T-shirt-wearing, Hurley-hat-donning, pierced-eared and tribal-tattooed brotherhood. I’m not.
My eyes were opened and when I looked around campus, I realized that the movement is upon us. With a little care and diligence we can prevent it from ruining our hard-fought reputation.
College Station is a town of character, morality and class. Spring break is over. We are not Panama City, Fla., Los Angeles, Padre Island or San Marcos.
Apparently I missed it, but when did it become commonplace to wear the same skin-tight, tribal T-shirt to class, church, funerals, thanksgiving dinner and the gym? Since when does one T-shirt exhibit the utility to wear to every occasion?
Guys, I understand your need to impose your physique and tan unto the eyes of beachgoers, and I understand that the beach is also a great place to show off your cool white sunshades as well, but we are two hours away from any large body of water, so try your best to keep your shirts on and buy a classy pair of shades.
I know the saying, “When in Rome…” This is not that place. When you’re in Panama or Key West, dress the part and live it up. But here, in this wholesome place, take out the earrings and let the holes close up until next year. Put your Quartz studs in a nice box, and recycle them for your next girlfriend.
Yes, you are in college, but the goal is to get a degree that will land you a respectable job. Maybe you should try acting respectable as well. If you are God’s gift to beer bonging and beer-pong, that is great – I’m sure your mother is proud of you – but leave that culture at the party and don’t brag about how many Jager Bombs you can slam while the rest of us are in class working on education.
Your vocabulary is a direct reflection of your thoughts. So even if you are a true bro, stop using the words ‘bra,’ ‘bro,’ ‘brew,’ ‘brohan’ and ‘broskie’ unless you have an insanely large family and those are affectionate nicknames for all of your related brothers. How are you going to look if you slip up and use one of those words in your first job interview? Try using something a little more formal, like ‘sir.’
I know the bro movement is gaining popularity and I agree that there is a time and a place for it. However, that time has passed us, and until we lower our requirements for admission and open up a few more sleazy techno clubs, this isn’t the place either.
So, let’s try talking and dressing a little more like adults. There are other ways to exhibit the spirit of youth and wearing a tight tee for all occasions to show off
your sweaty muscles isn’t the way. Try getting on any number of the new reality shows on Vh-1 and MTV. They seem to celebrate this new decline in formal culture.
Keep Austin weird, and leave the Bros to San Marcos. Let’s try to keep College Station classy. Everywhere else, pop your collar and let the people call you ‘bro’ in this town, remember someday people are going to call you ‘Boss.’ Start learning to talk, dress and act the part.