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The Battalion

The Student News Site of Texas A&M University - College Station

The Battalion

The Student News Site of Texas A&M University - College Station

The Battalion

Texas A&M utility Gavin Grahovac (9) throws the ball during A&Ms game against Georgia on Friday, April 26, 2024, at Olsen Field. (CJ Smith/The Battalion)
Southern slugfest
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Texas A&M University System Chancellor John Sharp attends the Class of 1972 50-year reunion in Kyle Field on April 20, 2022.
A&M System’s Title IX director suspended after supporting Biden's Title IX changes
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A fighter jet squadron flies over during the National Anthem before Texas A&M’s game against Arkansas at Olsen Field on Saturday, May 18, 2024. (Chris Swann/The Battalion)
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Ian Curtis, Sports Writer • May 27, 2024

For the second time in three seasons, No. 3 national seed Texas A&M baseball will host the Bryan-College Station Regional, where it’ll...

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Beekeeper Shelby Dittman scoops bees back into their hive during a visit on Friday, April 5, 2024. (Kyle Heise/The Battalion)
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Shalina Sabih, Sports Writer • May 1, 2024

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Kennedy White, 19, sits for a portrait in the sweats she wore the night of her alleged assault inside the Y.M.C.A building that holds Texas A&M’s Title IX offices in College Station, Texas on Feb. 16, 2024 (Ishika Samant/The Battalion).
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Scenes from '74
April 25, 2024
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Farewell from the graduating Battalion staff of 2024
Farewell from the graduating Battalion staff of 2024
The BattalionMay 4, 2024

Post-break rehabilitation

Today, much of the student body will be reeling from the week of drunken debauchery that is spring break. Here are a few ways to beat the curve and make sure you’re back to normal in time for class.
1 First things first – sober up. It may take hours, days or all week, but it’s probably a significant amount of time. Though a few dozen tequila shots each night worked well at the beach, it may not be as wise back in civilization.
2 Put a few wet rags in the freezer. Nothing feels better on terrible sunburns that cover your body. If you don’t have one, you didn’t do spring break right. Better luck next year
3 Hop on the scale and behold the terror. You might be surprised what a few hundred beers, or even a week of Mom’s cooking, can do to the midsection. Now you can relive your week of craziness on the treadmill one pound at a time.
4 Burn the evidence. If you got a little crazy on spring break, leave no trace behind. Delete pictures, swear friends to secrecy and wear long sleeves to cover up your new naked lady tattoo. Whether you washed up on the wrong beach or took Cory Morrow’s slogan, “Let’s Get Naked,” a little too seriously, play like the CIA and keep things quiet. If anyone talks about the stupid things you did, up the ante and ask them if that new rash below the belt cleared up yet.
5 Look at your bank statement. This may help with the sobering up. Gas money, booze and late-night McDonald’s add up fast. Knowing what you spent is always a good idea.
6 Go through your sent text messages. You will quickly discover this is the hardest part. For one, it will fill you in on any new or newly ended relationships. The fires of romance burn hot on spring break, and you’ll want to know about your new significant other.
7 Read the news. If you were at the beach, on the slopes or in another country, odds are you missed something. While you were out impressing the ladies with your ability to ingest mass quantities of beer, someone might have invented a flying car. It would be a shame to miss something like that, so check out CNN.
8 Go to the doctor for a checkup. Between public toilets, encounters with the opposite sex and drinking after strangers (beer bong drinkers, that’s you), there’s a good chance you have picked up something nasty. It’s time to admit those red bumps might be more than jock itch and head to Beutel.
9 Last, but not least, pat yourself on the back – you made it through another spring break alive.

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