Today, much of the student body will be reeling from the week of drunken debauchery that is spring break. Here are a few ways to beat the curve and make sure you’re back to normal in time for class.
1 First things first – sober up. It may take hours, days or all week, but it’s probably a significant amount of time. Though a few dozen tequila shots each night worked well at the beach, it may not be as wise back in civilization.
2 Put a few wet rags in the freezer. Nothing feels better on terrible sunburns that cover your body. If you don’t have one, you didn’t do spring break right. Better luck next year
3 Hop on the scale and behold the terror. You might be surprised what a few hundred beers, or even a week of Mom’s cooking, can do to the midsection. Now you can relive your week of craziness on the treadmill one pound at a time.
4 Burn the evidence. If you got a little crazy on spring break, leave no trace behind. Delete pictures, swear friends to secrecy and wear long sleeves to cover up your new naked lady tattoo. Whether you washed up on the wrong beach or took Cory Morrow’s slogan, “Let’s Get Naked,” a little too seriously, play like the CIA and keep things quiet. If anyone talks about the stupid things you did, up the ante and ask them if that new rash below the belt cleared up yet.
5 Look at your bank statement. This may help with the sobering up. Gas money, booze and late-night McDonald’s add up fast. Knowing what you spent is always a good idea.
6 Go through your sent text messages. You will quickly discover this is the hardest part. For one, it will fill you in on any new or newly ended relationships. The fires of romance burn hot on spring break, and you’ll want to know about your new significant other.
7 Read the news. If you were at the beach, on the slopes or in another country, odds are you missed something. While you were out impressing the ladies with your ability to ingest mass quantities of beer, someone might have invented a flying car. It would be a shame to miss something like that, so check out CNN.
8 Go to the doctor for a checkup. Between public toilets, encounters with the opposite sex and drinking after strangers (beer bong drinkers, that’s you), there’s a good chance you have picked up something nasty. It’s time to admit those red bumps might be more than jock itch and head to Beutel.
9 Last, but not least, pat yourself on the back – you made it through another spring break alive.