In case you haven’t noticed, our country is facing its biggest economic crisis in decades. The unemployment rate inches closer to 10 percent seemingly every day and bonuses are being given to the ladies and gents who got us in this situation to begin with. Quite honestly, Revelation hardly depicted a situation as morbid and defying as this.
Of course, there is no cause to worry, for we, and by we I mean probably a very small percentage of actual Aggies but just the country as a whole, have elected a super hero for president. He’s white. He’s black. He’s middle class. He’s lower class. He’s classless? No. He’s Barack Obama and he is going to save our wallets; or is he?
I don’t know about any of you, but I’m broke. That multi-trillion dollar bailout money has yet to find my wallet and I’m betting it never will, and I’ve accepted that. So, for spring break I’ve been doing the usual college spring break activities, watching March Madness and late night talk shows because I can’t afford Panama. Thanks for the memories, recession, I’ll never forget this one.
Still, I know it’s all right. I know my president is working hard to end this money-less era and bring back a 90s style economy. I mean, after a whole series of his chosen ones turned out not to be such great friends with good ol’ Uncle Sam, Obama has a promise or two to make up to me and my fellow Americans so that none of us start bad mouthing him Bush style. Oh wait, Jon Stewart already has.
Nonetheless, while I wait for this recession to stop becoming a worldwide obsession, I’m turning off CNN, watching March Madness and creating a fantasy bracket all my own. Then I’ll post it on ESPN.com right next to this Obama guy’s, this Barack Obama guy’s. President Obama? The president of the United States of America has a fantasy bracket posted on ESPN.com? So, instead of keeping all of the promises he said he would keep, he is playing basketball, imaginatively? Fabulous.
See, here’s what’s up Mr. President, save the world before you predict North Carolina’s win over Radford. Unless your fantasy bracket is going to grow a money tree that will suffice the entire American population, get off of ESPN online and go do something important, kind of like your job. Just a suggestion.
Oh, and while I’m attempting to write a mail call of sorts to the president, here’s another complaint: I do not like you appearing on Jay Leno.
Wait, no, I more than don’t like it. I hate it. I’m at home, during spring break, unable to sleep from all the caffeine I ingested for midterms last week and unable to take out this new found energy on parties at a beach because I don’t have even an extra $100 and I’m waiting on you, Mr. President, to do something about it because the last thing you did, well, hasn’t quite worked yet. And instead of hearing on Good Morning America that no one has seen you in your 60 plus days in office because you’ve been so busy being the super hero you said you were going to be, I see you on Jay Leno saying things like, “I bowl like I’m in the Special Olympics.”
Now you aren’t just not doing your job, you are also a jerk. The Special Olympics? Really? A comment like that would be expected from George, but from you Barack, I’m disappointed.
To sum it up, if I thought that Obama would actually read a letter I sent him and not just some 20-year-old Lewinsky intern, I would voice my concerns to the big man himself and let him in on a little secret my mother told me when I was 5 years old: actions speak louder than words. And right now Obama, all the change you spoke of has amounted to merely that in my pocket.
“Yes we can” is quickly becoming “Can we? Yes?” Actions, Mr. President, not fantasy leagues and Leno appearances. You’re an employee, not a celebrity. Do your job so I can find one. Thanks and gig ’em.