Dear DeAndre Jordan,
I’m writing this letter to you as a personal request on behalf of most Texas A&M basketball fans around the world, united together in one simple plea: Stay another year, please.
I mean, let’s be honest with each other. You’re a beast. You’re a legit 7-footer who can run the floor (without looking like Charlie Brown) and throw down thunderous dunks that blow the roof off Reed Arena. So, I’ve come up with three dynamite reasons why you should stay at A&M another year.
Reason 1: Posterized. In other words, what side of that word do you want to be on? The NBA features monsters in the paint like Dwight Howard, Amare Stoudemire and Kevin Garnett, who feast on rookie big men who get in their way when they go up for a dunk. Do you want to risk the possibility of being on the latest SportsCenter as “that kid that Howard just owned?” Now look from the opposite angle. Instead of getting posterized by NBA megastars, you get to posterize your shorter, weaker and less athletic NCAA counterparts. Pictures of you abusing players like Dexter Pittman and Josh Lomers will routinely appear on the front page of the Houston Chronicle. Sounds like an easy choice to me.
Reason 2: $11 million. Also known as the difference in contract size between the No. 12 pick (where nbadraft.net has you slated to be drafted in 2008) and the No. 1 pick in the draft (where you would be drafted if you came back and had a good season in 2009). Imagine all the things you could buy with $11 million: More than 20 Baskin Robbins franchises, 100 iPhones for every inch you are tall, a 2008 Rolls Rocye Phantom and an Aston Martin DBS, Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory (circa 1971, Oompa Loompas included) or pretty much any domicile you desire on the Southern seaboard.
Reason 3: Dashan Harris. Assuming Dash is everything he is hyped up to be, he could get some serious playing time come basketball season. And as a true point guard, you know how eager he will be to loft up floating passes from the top of the key for you to throw down. Imagine how many different phrases Stuart Scott and Scott Van Pelt will be able to use to describe it: Pay for my dry cleaning! (an oldie but a goodie). Throw it down, big man! Dash to DeAndre, damn! Is it the shoes? (from NBA Jam).
Well, that’s about the best defense I could come up with. I’m sure it will be a hard decision, but just imagine how great it would be to get back to the NCAA tournament and avenge the close loss to UCLA with a Sweet 16 appearance. Think about it.