This past weekend, my sister, her boyfriend, our good friend and I took a trip to Vail, Colorado for a concert.

For anyone who hasn’t been to Colorado in February, it’s very snowy. We were under constant avalanche watch throughout our three-day stay, m throughout our three-day stay, meaning, an avalanche could occur at any time at any time. By attending a jam-packed concert in the valley between two ski slopes, we were tempting fate. 

My anxiety was through the roof. On the almost two-mile hike up the mountain to the awaiting concert venue, my sister and I discussed our avalanche plan. We planned how we would escape if we were trapped by the snow. 

Now, many of you may think it’s nihilistic to plan for and fear the worst, but I’ve always said, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” With a solid plan, how could I be afraid?

I could enjoy my time at this concert because I knew what I’d do if the mountain decided to swallow us whole. Having that plan tucked into my mind’s file cabinet let my anxiety fall away like the gentle snow that coated us that evening. 

I once thought my anxiety was something that crippled me, but I’ve come to accept it — less as my Kryptonite and more as my superpower. 

My anxiety ensures that I think about and plan for anything and everything. I have a zombie apocalypse plan, a societal collapse plan, a plan for all social interactions and events. Basically, I’m always thinking. 

I know what to do in almost any bad situation that could befall a person and how to turn it in my favor. If you’re wondering when someone would have the time to think about all of this, I’ll tell you: It’s at 3 a.m. when sleep evades me. 

But I don’t think of it as an evil voice detailing all of the horrific ways I could die, or worse, be embarrassed. It isn’t some voice that holds me back. Instead, I think of it as an insecure doubter that drives me forward. Someone that I can easily prove wrong with proper planning and confidence.

It’s my internal motivator. I do some of my best work when I have something to prove. It makes the win all the more satisfying when there are bets against you, and nothing is more satisfying than proving yourself wrong. So, when I walked down the mountain after the concert, no avalanche having occurred, I felt like I won against that voice. 

Haha, you were wrong. I was right. No matter the situation, I was going to come out on top. And that I did. 

Most of my friends don’t have anxiety. They think my need to plan is something that hinders my life. Something that derails me at every turn. 

What they don’t understand is that my desire to plan is what keeps me at peace. I can’t stop an avalanche or prevent a societal collapse, but I can ensure I know what I can control if things do spin out of it. My anxiety keeps the rational part of myself locked on track, moving at high speed toward my goals and peace.  

A good analogy is that you’ll run fastest when something is chasing you. 

I have achieved so much in the 22 years I’ve been on Earth. Many of the things I have achieved, my internal motivator doubted I could. I really owe it all to the fact that my anxiety has been chasing me for all those years, and being the stubborn girl I am, I refuse to let it catch me. 

Uncle Ben once said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” How you use your anxiety is up to you. You can let that beast catch you, cripple you and keep you down, owning it as your weakness. Or, you can run as fast as you can, prove that voice wrong and achieve the greatness you never thought you could. 

Blessing or curse, the anxious people of the world have been given something that the non-anxious people haven’t. It’s like the Hulk. Bruce Banner thought being the Hulk was a curse, but then he found a way to harness that gift into something positive. 

Harness your inner Hulk and use it for good. Find the blessing in the curse. Like it or not, we’ll always have this Bruce and Hulk dynamic, but we can choose how we view our internal doubters. We can listen to it, or we can prove it wrong. It’s up to you. 

Find the strength in yourself to control your actions when you Hulk out, because that side of you will never go away, but you can learn to love it, live with it and thrive because of it. 

Maddie McMurrough is an agricultural communications and journalism senior and opinion columnist for The Battalion.