“Hi, it’s me. I finally have a minute at home. I’m going camping this weekend and I wish you were coming. I’ll send you some cool pictures. It’s like a waterfall hike, it reminds me of you. Maybe I can take you there when you come back home.”
This is one of many voicemail messages left on my phone by my long-distance best friend, Kylie. She lives 1,562 miles away from me, and if I’m lucky I get to see her once a year. Even with the distance separating us, I have never wondered whether or not I mattered to her.
“I love you so much and I miss you and I think about you all the time. Hopefully I get to see you before another summer passes.”
When was the last time you told your friends that you care about them?
“I love you, I’m sorry you feel lonely. I don’t want you to feel that way. Just know that I love you and think of you. Good night dear, I love you.”
In the thousand-something-mile chasm that separates me from my best friend, the small things have become essential. They fill the canyon separating us, making the distance feel less unbearable.
These small voicemail messages have gotten me through some of the loneliest times of my life. My best friend is an absolute poet and makes the ultimate effort to speak. Speak her mind, her feelings and her opinions about people. She speaks her little words, and it has the most monumental impact on my life and self-worth.
I have taken a page out of her book and started making the little things and little words matter in my life.
Not enough people express their feelings for their friends. Sure, we’re good at telling our partners and family members we care, but why don’t we feel the same urge when it comes to our friends?
A friend of mine once told me most people assume their friends know how they feel about them, so they don’t feel the need to tell them. We all know what they say about assumptions.
It’s time to tell them. It’s not that hard to show your friends you care. It can be something small and still have a big impact, so why not do it?
For example, I have started bringing Fruit Roll-Ups to class. I bring them for my friends and they act as a four-inch saber to fight off senioritis. The Roll-Ups themselves are really an unimportant bonus — what they represent is my conscious effort to think about my friends. When I leave the house every morning, I think about them and I show them that.
Thirty seconds of conscious effort each morning brings immense comfort and joy to my friends’ lives. They don’t have to wonder about whether or not I’m there for them because the Blastin’ Berry Fruit Roll-Up that appears on their desk each class shows them I do.
I have also started complimenting people I admire. Friends and strangers alike will hear a kind word from me. If I like an outfit, I’m going to tell the wearer. If I think you have a nice laugh, I’m going to tell you a joke just so I can hear it again and tell you I like it. If you look like you could use a compliment, I’m going to find something to comment on to make you feel seen.
Anyone who has been complimented by a drunk girl in the bathrooms of Northgate knows: That kind of thing sticks with you for a while.
Another small act is writing.
Two-sentence Post-It notes, five-word text messages, six-page letters — it all counts. If I have ever cared for you, there’s a books-worth of words devoted to you. On the opposite end, I have a box hidden under my bed of every written sentiment ever given to me. Words matter in all relationships, but somehow go undervalued in friendships.
And if you can’t write, or aren’t good at voicing your feelings, do it without words. Make your friends a playlist. You would think as a journalist I would be good at voicing how I feel, but there have been times when words fell short on me. When I can’t say those words, I let my music do the rest. I have made many cassette tapes, CDs and Spotify playlists for my friends. To this day, they tell me how much those small playlists mean to them. That each time they listen to the playlist, they think of all their favorite things about me.
Voicing my feelings has emboldened my friends to speak theirs. It’s an endless cycle of care and appreciation. The small acts I have committed have generated huge impacts in my friendships and life. They even bleed into relationships I don’t know about, resulting in deeper connections and kindness.
Romantic and familial relationships are not the only kinds that need to be validated with words and actions. Your friends need to hear that you care about them, too.
My friends have picked me up when I couldn’t stand, and made me laugh when all I could do was cry. They have stuck with me even after they see my flaws, and have always found a way to forgive me after a fight. They are the reason I write, sing and smile. They deserve to know that they have made all the difference in me. They make my life fulfilling and I show them that any chance I get.
So whether it’s a Fruit Roll-Up, a Post-It note or any other small gesture, make sure you tell your friends you care about them. They won’t know they matter if you don’t tell or show them, and you never know when a small thing can make a huge difference in your friends life.
Maddie McMurrough is an agricultural communications and journalism senior and opinion columnist for The Battalion.
