I’m going to say it because apparently no one else will: football is not that big of a deal.

Do I love the Fightin’ Texas Aggies? Yes. Do I enjoy watching their games and cheering them on? Yes. But is my day completely ruined anytime we have a bad performance or lose a game? Absolutely not.

To hear people talk after we lost the Bama game, it was like their lives were over and Aggiegeddon had begun. Yeah, we lost a game. Who cares? Yeah, we lost our chance at a national championship. Did you really think this was the season? We haven’t won since 1939. That was before hula hoops were invented. Before sliced bread, $3.50 gas and Danny Devito.

I propose a quick, impromptu group therapy session. Let’s face this, together, right here and right now.

Follow along with me. Since you’re reading this, I know it’s going to be hard to really move step by step, but I believe in you to figure it out.

Close your eyes. Now take deep breaths, slow in, slow out, 12 times. Hey, I see you skipping ahead — don’t. Take the 12 breaths. Then open your eyes and repeat after me:

“My life is not defined by a group of college students playing football. I acknowledge that we’ve lost our chance at a national championship this year, and that we probably won’t win a championship in the foreseeable future. And that’s OK.”

Repeat as necessary until you stop wrapping your life around something that really doesn’t matter.

Can I say something else? I don’t even have a sports pass this year. I’m sorry, but I’ve spent far too many games standing adjacent to a giant group of frat guys who are more interested in drinking than the game.

Too many times their vicious heckling of kids our own age drowned out both the refs’ calls and my enjoyment. Oh, really, that was a bad pass? He should’ve thrown it more to the right? If you’re such an expert, maybe you should walk on to the team and do it yourself.

For too many hours, I’ve been subjected to their bratty sorority girlfriends’ banal comments: “Oh my God, he just body slammed that guy!” Yes, sweetie, this is football. I know you’re only here because of Taylor Swift, but let’s at least try to act the part, shall we?

You can call me a two percenter if that’s what it takes to make you feel okay. But I’ve never missed a Silver Taps or a Muster. I’ve never stepped on the seal on Military Walk, and I didn’t Whoop even once before Pull-Out Day. I just don’t enjoy being packed tight like hot, sweaty multicolored pens in a “quirky” girl’s pencil bag to stand for four hours in 103-degree heat.

I’ll be frank — I’m pretty short. My five-foot-four-and-a-half stature puts me right at ‘pit height when guys are waving their towels around. So that’s also a factor.

And I’m not a fair weather fan, so don’t even try to come at me with that. I’m from Houston, man. The Texans and the Rockets aren’t known for their major successes, and I know damn well they’re not anywhere close to a championship of any kind. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy watching their games and cheering them on.

But that’s not enough for Aggie fans. People’s weekends were ruined — ruined! — when we lost to Bama and Tennessee. Especially Old Ags, who seem to believe living vicariously through a national championship will bring back the youth and vigor they felt when they peaked during college.

Haven’t there been more important things happening at this university to be worried about? The drama surrounding S.B. 17 and the closure of the DEI office, the no more than four ordinance, hell, even our back-to-back president removals? Believe me, as the desk’s ‘resident Banks hater’ I’ll be the first to say I’m happy our former Gracious Leader is gone. But her resignation and everything leading up to it should be more important than losing to Miami.

I’m tired of pretending that the happiness of everyone at this school is determined by a small group of students tossing around a pigskin. I’m tired of pretending the world is over every time we lose an important game. I’m tired of heckling a bunch of 20-year-olds who are giving their all on the field.

I’m tired of pretending that Aggie football is the be-all and the end-all. It’s really not that big of a deal.

Charis Adkins is an English junior and opinion columnist for The Battalion.