On Nov. 22, the University of Texas’s student newspaper, The Daily Texan, published a piece addressed to Texas A&M ahead of the revival of the Lone Star Showdown on Saturday, Nov. 30.
Several members of The Battalion’s sports desk took it upon themselves to offer a response to the Longhorns.
Luke White, Sports Editor
Howdy, Longhorns!
We appreciate the kind words. Thanks for keeping A&M on your mind. We’d love to stay and talk, but come Saturday, this rivalry won’t be decided by social media banter or debates around the Thanksgiving table. That evening, each of the 110,000 fans under the Kyle Field lights will have the opportunity to voice their opinion on the matter.
It’s evident you’re not fans of College Station, but it’s got to beat Lawrence, Kansas and Lubbock, right? I understand Longhorns have some bad memories there. Your disdain for Aggieland may grow depending on the outcome this weekend, but Aggies like to keep things classy, so no trash on the field, please. On the bright side, at least a loss would save you a trip to Atlanta.
Matthew Seaver, Assistant Sports Editor
Howdy t.u., congratulations. You are a championship-caliber program for the first time since George W. Bush was in office. The real UT in Knoxville, Tennessee showed you its homework and all you changed up was the shade of orange. Wow, good work! For calling us “little brother,” you sure seem to be an obsessed ex-girlfriend who can’t get over a relationship that ended 13 years ago. Following us to the SEC, too; it’s giving “desperately wants to get back together.”
I didn’t hear any chirping from that dump of a city during the Charlie Strong and Tom Herman tenures, huh buddy? Oh, and The Daily Texan, nice try, but you should’ve remembered the age-old lesson, “Anything you can do, Aggies do better.” Now give me my pizza and get off my porch, buh bye!
Braxton Dore’, Assistant Sports Editor
Thank you, The Daily Texan, for allowing us the opportunity to trash the only team in the state that trashes its own field when it loses. For someone who refers to themselves as “big brother,” you sure know how to throw a fit and beg for our leftovers when you lose (take Schlossnagle; we don’t want him anyway). How about instead of releasing an A&M diss for your Kyle Umlang Twitter fanboys, you actually start winning some student journalism awards?
Sincerely, the 2022 Pacemaker Award winners.
Justin Chen, Senior Sports Writer
We could’ve kept it friendly and coo’
Instead y’all went out and acted a foo’
First real SEC opponent y’all went up against
Backed up against the wall and the Dawgs flipped y’all over the fence
Threw a temper tantrum when things didn’t go y’alls way / Who could forget?
Supposed to be the bigger and better school and yet
Field was showered in bottles and hurt egos
Never thought I’d see “big brother” stoop that low
Y’alls biggest crowd ain’t even crack our top 10
Had more pop out against New Mexico State, so what then?
I do wish y’all well on the way up here
Just please make sure to not throw anymore beer
DJ Burton, Senior Sports Writer
Howdy, t.u. Welcome to the SEC. You just had to follow the state’s flagship program, didn’t you? You somehow managed to put together the weakest conference schedule in a while, but don’t think it’ll be like this every year. You saw what happened when you played a real team in the Georgia Bulldogs.
If a call goes our way, please do not throw trash on our field; we don’t want it to look like Austin. Aggies don’t lie, cheat or steal, or tolerate anyone who employs Jim Schlossnagle. Tennessee orange is better. Say hi to Pole Assassin.
Noah Ruiz, Sports Writer
I suppose the funniest thing is that the only difference between a t-sip and a Californian is a knockoff Aggie Ring. You Longhorns love to make a big deal with your little Instagram post just to be asked by the Aggie interviewing you, “What year did you graduate?” Then have to explain that you didn’t go to A&M and that your acceptance rate makes you better than everyone else.
By the time you’re done yapping, the Aggie graduate has gone about their day, enjoying the fact that their campus isn’t constantly filled with riots. I have always wondered how your supposed “Ivy League” school has fewer Fortune 500 CEOs than the Fightin’ Farmers from College Station.
Nicholas Gutteridge, Managing Editor
I’m not going to consider the opinion of anybody who publishes their “newspaper” in some square abomination. What happened to dignity? Just make sure not to hit your stumps on Kyle Field’s exit gates once we saw em’ off. And by the way, we actually use trash cans in College Station — so get ready for the culture shock, t.u.
