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Ask Lexi: Love advice for Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day Rose Heart

Love is a tricky, scary thing that can be difficult to master. The dating game has more complicated rules than the U.S. judicial system. Luckily, Life & Arts writer Lexi Ellis offers advice to help students navigate this Valentine’s Day.

Dear Lexi,  recently, I’ve started seeing my long-time friend as more than a friend, but every time I’m single he’s in a relationship and vice-versa. I want to tell him how I feel before we both graduate in May, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship or his current relationship. What should I do? 

I know this feeling all too well! I have been there — twice. I’m even on good terms with one and still close friends with the other, so you can trust me on this one.

Since graduation is going to cause a significant shift in your relationship regardless, you should tell him now instead of delaying the inevitable. Once it is out in the open, you can finally let go of the constant ache in your stomach, the nightly dread and the restless anticipation. My best advice for going about this would be to say it in a very calm and understanding way. Tell him that your friendship is the top priority, and you are fine whether he feels the same or not.  I’m sure you’ve already evaluated whether he feels the same  how he looks at you, “jokes” made and subtle hints he’s dropped. Only you can tell if he currently has or once had feelings toward you. 

However, him having a girlfriend makes things more complicated. It would be best if you mentioned that you respect her, their relationship and her feelings. If your friend thinks his shot with you is worth losing her, he will do what he has to do. Don’t take it too hard if he chooses her though. His current relationship is familiar and comfortable, and exploring a new path with you will be scary for him, especially with graduation right around the corner. If your friendship is set to last, think about how a romantic relationship with him may affect your career and job situations post-graduation. Would it even get that serious so quickly? Being honest about your feelings will be awkward and scary, but if your friendship is true, the awkwardness will pass in about a week if you resume your usual attitude toward him. Otherwise, you may enter the best relationship of your life. Good luck and happy Valentine’s Day!

Dear Lexi,  I recently broke up with my long-term boyfriend, and I haven’t spent a Valentine’s Day single in years. What do you suggest I do to keep from feeling lonely this year?

Depending on what your interests are, you can make a super fun night of it! Plenty of singles will be out on the prowl that night, so if you want to sleep in on Friday, go to Northgate with friends! Grab a wingman/woman, head to Harry’s and have fun dancing! For an extra boost, dress up cute and post a hot picture on Snapchat or Instagram! You can’t go wrong with that. You can also do something like ice skating, movies, trampoline park, bowling or just stay in with your other single friends and order a heart-shaped pizza or nugget tray.

Another thing you can do is have a flower-and-chocolate exchange with your roomies! 

This year is my first year post-long-term-relationship without a Valentine too, so my roommates and I are all exchanging bouquets! So since you all live together, place them together and it will feel like you have even more admirers! My tactic is to call all of my family members to complain and see how many of them send me something on Valentine’s! 

Dear Lexi,  I’m having trouble finding a quality guy! They’re all either mean, lead me on, leave me on read or are just boring. How do I find a good guy?

First of all, bold of you to assume a good man exists. I am just kidding.

First, trust your gut. You can gauge pretty quickly if a guy is going to be a jerk or not based on his response rate, social media and clothing. Not to say to judge based on looks alone, but sometimes it helps. I would also tell you to change locations. If you usually meet guys at the bar or on Tinder, switch to hitting up cuties in class, a student org, a mutual friend or maybe even Bumble. Meeting guys in the same student org as you or through a mutual friend helps eliminate the fear of having boring conversations and no similar interests. 

Another critical thing in initiating a new relationship is how you attract their interest. If a guy doesn’t want you for who you are and only for the physical aspects, chances are it’s not going to work for too long. If they initially ask you to come over and “chill,” either suggest going out instead, or just go and get to know them. Kissing on the first date is never a bad thing because that’s very fun and important when deciding if you have sparks with someone, but you can often tell a good or genuine guy if he’s (happily and respectfully) willing to wait before getting physical. Plus, if you leave them wanting more, well, they’re literally wanting more. 

As far as the guys being mean, be mean back! (Only to guys who are mean though. Don’t do this to nice boys!) You deserve someone who will get your attention without acting like a jerk. The less you care, the more he will. You can play, or you can be played. Good luck in this crazy Aggie dating pool.

Thank you for trusting me for advice, and have a happy Valentine’s Day!

Love, Lexi

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