My name is Joshua. If you’re reading this, your name is probably not Joshua, but it very well could be.
All my life I’ve been known as everything except Joshua. My family calls me by my middle name Ryan, my teachers and coaches growing up called me by my last name Abraham and I’ve had some nicknames along the way. Everything under the sun — except Joshua.
Why?
Because there has always been another Joshua. One of my roommates is named Joshua, I know multiple other people named Joshua who are in my organizations and classes and there is someone on campus I know who has the exact same name as me — Joshua Abraham. There are too many Joshuas. I’m sure that I talk to more people named Josh than I do women on a daily basis, and that’s not OK.
As if this wasn’t enough, there’s also been a recent spike on social media about people named Joshua. The Josh Hutcherson memes have gotten out of hand. There is a wine company called Josh Cellars — and an Instagram page dedicated to memes of it. We even have our own verb, which I am tired of people saying to me, “I’m just joshing with you.” I know there are others that I do not want to know about.
Additionally, I’ve had women that I talk to say, “Yeah, I’ve had a bad experience with people named Joshua,” or “I’ve dated a Josh before.” OK? I didn’t know your one experience with a person named Josh means you won’t go on a date with me.
This categorization, stereotyping and ultimately prejudice against people named Joshua needs to stop. We are not all the same.
So, let me propose a suggestion to future parents when naming their future children: pick out some obscure names!
What happened to the originality of naming people? You think about having a baby, you finally have it and then you name it John, Michael or a name that at least one person will have in every block of New York City.
Is that the best we got? We’ve all seen those TikToks of people saying popular names in public and seeing who turns around. Aren’t we all tired of this? It’s embarrassing when someone calls out “Hey Josh!” in public, and I turn around with twenty other people named Joshua to find out they weren’t calling any of us.
Let us all dig into our roots and pick out an obscure name that no one else has! Wouldn’t it be fun to have yourself or other friends named Zlatan if you have Slavic roots or Omar if you have Middle Eastern roots, instead of everyone being named Kevin?
With my roots being Indian-Malaysian, I have a slew of names that I could choose from, but my parents decided to name me Joshua — love you, Mom and Dad. They’ve argued that the name Joshua is powerful, resemblant of a leader, and I should be proud to have a name like that.
But even then, think of it like the power of currency — money can be powerful if there is a limited supply of it, but if the government prints more money, it can become worthless. It was cool when Joshua was the only Joshua in the Bible, leading the Israelite tribes to the Promised Land. But, when everyone is named Joshua, it does not sound powerful anymore; not everyone can be a leader.
Therefore, I hereby declare my name to be changed to Yesudas Asirvatham. Being in touch with my Tamil-Indian roots will hopefully make me the coolest dude in the room — and I could overpower the many people that are named Joshua.
Parents, do your future child a favor: pick out a cool name that will be the talk of the town when they hit kindergarten. Don’t settle for something basic. Let’s tap into that right hemisphere of our brain and be the creative-minded individuals we were meant to be.
But, if you do want to give your child a basic name, don’t name them Joshua. Just don’t.
Joshua Abraham is a kinesiology junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.
