Swifties, the time has come.
If you’ve been a fan of Taylor Swift as long as I have, you’ve been waiting for something as long as your own wedding day; Taylor finding her true love and getting married.
There have been many ups and downs, and plenty of songs to account for each. “Holy Ground” is about her breakup with Joe Jonas, and “All Too Well” is on Jake Gyllenhaal and that dang “scarf left at his sister’s house.” “Getaway Car” has to be the most poetic retelling about how to manipulate a man into being your rebound, and my personal favorite is a song that never goes out of style — while she went out of style with Harry Styles.
But her relationship failures have led to this moment. She has gotten herself off the bleachers and done much more than date the boy on the football team. She and Travis Kelce are endgame, leaving a blank space in her notebook just for him. As Taylor plans to walk down the aisle and declare her love guilty as sin, we’re crazier for it.
It has been rumored that they’re going to have the wedding in Rhode Island, but I call their bluff. Swifties love to try to guess every move that she makes, from what surprise song she’s going to sing at her concerts to when Rep TV is going to drop, so let’s try and predict where she’s going to have her wedding — because no, we don’t have anything better to do with our lives.
Nashville, Tennessee
Nashville is home to many things — the God-awful Tennessee Titans, every white girl who is too afraid of going to Las Vegas’ bachelorette destination, but most importantly, where Taylor was discovered musically. It would be beautiful to see her re-explore her roots in the Music City and take Travis along for the journey, too.
The Eras Tour (The Wedding Version)
Now, Nashville sounds cool, but if you’ve been a fan like me, you know that Taylor has gotten bigger and better in her artistry and showmanship after each album. While there’s nothing wrong with a small wedding, let’s think grander.
Instead of having just one wedding, why not have multiple? I think hosting a whole other Eras Tour where her wedding happens over and over again would be so much fun! From Las Vegas to Singapore, it would not only be a great joy to watch but could really strengthen their relationship. She would be leaving her footprint on how future weddings are done, and we know how much she loves to leave her footprint around.
The Super Bowl 60 Halftime Show
Imagine the scene.
The Kansas City Chiefs somehow claw their way back to the Super Bowl after some questionable officiating in the playoffs and a dash of Mahomes’ magic. Taylor is preparing for her halftime performance, but who comes storming into her dressing room?
Travis starts going on about how he can’t wait anymore, and he needs to marry her now. It’s amongst his wildest dreams, and he’s down bad to do it then and there. Taylor calls off the performance and turns the entire stage into their altar, reciting vows in front of millions.
He runs back into the locker room, a newlywed man. He turns back to her, enchanted, and says, “Look what you made me do.” The Chiefs win the Super Bowl after a very obvious holding call is ignored by the refs, which leads to a Travis touchdown, making Taylor run over to kiss him on the field.
Game over, absolute cinema.
Planet [Redacted]
You might be wondering what this is. I have no clue either. This is a conspiracy, and you’re now a part of it.
Even if Taylor and Travis are going to have their wedding in Rhode Island, I don’t believe that one bit. Everyone they’re going to invite wouldn’t be able to fit inside Rhode Island. It just seems a bit illogical, given the status of the couple, and rather random that this state would be where they would want their wedding.
They might record everything and make it seem like it is happening there, but in reality, it isn’t — it’s all fake. They’re going to take her private jet that she loves so much and put it to good use to break through the stratosphere. Entering outer space, they’ve already created a planet where they’re going to live the rest of their lives — destroying our planet’s carbon emissions in the process — and where she’s going to release her next album, “The Life of an Alien.”
As we Swifties will be dead and buried from the death of the planet, I wish Taylor and Travis the best in their future endeavors. Marriage is such an exciting time, and I’m thrilled to see what it holds for them. I hope their love story works the way they want it to — as long as it doesn’t turn into a cruel summer.
Joshua Abraham is a kinesiology senior and opinion columnist for The Battalion.
