I’m done with dating.
I’m sick and tired of meeting girls. I’m exhausted with trying to give my heart when I know they’re going to rip it into shreds.
Hookup culture has put a permanent bruise on dating, and I hate it. Having to sort through the women who just want quick sex fatigues me — that’s something I’m not interested in.
Then you have those girls who are overly-committal. After one week of knowing each other, they touch you like they’ve known you your whole life and start talking about marriage and kids. I know it’s spring, but I’m not giving you a ring.
And just when you finally think you found someone who might actually be the one, it turns out they have some weird kink that’s so unforgivable you’re forced to run into the abyss of loneliness and despair.
I don’t want any of this. Why can’t finding a partner be easy? I’ve played these games, and I won’t fool myself into playing another one.
Maybe this is you, too. Are you upset with your hopeless dating life? Do you wish that maybe there was another way, one that requires fewer hoops to jump through?
Well, have you heard of a “Date-Me Doc?”
An up-and-coming phenomenon that partially took off in 2023 but slowly faded away, Date-Me Docs are a single, resume-like document that has everything you want people to know about you and what you’re looking for in a romantic relationship.
Now, you might be asking: “Why don’t you just get on dating apps?”
I won’t trust an algorithm to help me find a partner — call me old school. If apps have helped you find your partner, congratulations! But I can’t rely on a code to match me with someone.
The difference between dating apps and Date-Me Docs is the intention behind them. Dating apps are filled with people who want short-term relationships and hook-ups. While there might be people looking for long-term commitments, it usually requires a lot of sifting through profiles and talking to people before you find out what they want.
A Date-Me Doc skips all of this nonsense.
It can be incredibly difficult to communicate what you want to someone when you first start talking to them. With a Date-Me Doc, you can lay it all bare. There’s an entire database full of these people who are looking for a relationship. All you have to do is see what attracts you and make the jump to talk to them.
No gimmicks or games are played. This is serious business.
Now, maybe I’ve sold you on the idea, but what does this document look like? What am I supposed to include? Well, I want you to:
Date Josh!
Howdy! My name is Joshua Abraham, and I’m a junior kinesiology major and film studies minor at Texas A&M. I was born in Malaysia but grew up in Sugar Land. I’m planning to attend law school in the future.
My interests
Sports: I love to play them, I love to watch them. I grew up playing basketball, but I can play a range of sports, from soccer to badminton. My favorite sports teams are Liverpool F.C., the Houston Rockets and the Houston Texans — can’t you tell I’m from Houston?
Movies: Watching movies is my favorite — going to the theater is one of my treasured pastimes. I watch anything from horror to chick-flicks, so your taste in films won’t be a problem. Some of my favorites are “Parasite,” “Fantastic Mr. Fox” and “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.”
Music: I listen to everything. From trap to folk music, I love to see what everyone’s listening to — it’s an embodiment of who they are. I would love to put on some music and dance with you, trading songs and tastes in music with each other.
Cooking: Can’t cook? No problem! I love to cook for myself and others; making food and baking truly brings me happiness. I can make fantastic fried rice, and I can make delicious banana bread, too.
What I’m looking for
I’m looking for a serious relationship. I think very long-term, so my dream is to have a family and kids — that’s what I consider being rich in life.
As a Christian, I’m only looking to date within my religion. With ideology, I see the good and bad in both sides of the political spectrum. I don’t necessarily have a preference in your political beliefs, as long as you have proper reasoning to back up what you believe in.
You also must be loving and caring. I genuinely hate the nonchalant, “I don’t care about things” persona people put on. “Chalant” is attractive.
If you’re interested in me, feel free to hit me up on Instagram at @joshrabe5. I hope to see you soon!
Now, as cringeworthy as that might’ve been, you now know what I’m looking for. Yes, you will find out more about me as we get to know each other better, but this is a good starting place for you to know a bit about my personality and what my intentions are.
It’s time to bring transparency back into our dating culture. Giving yourself to someone is a lot of time and work; we might as well be doing it from the start, and this is a great way to do this.
Who knows, maybe there might be a Date-Me Doc database at A&M one day…
Joshua Abraham is a kinesiology junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.
