Let’s get this out of the way: College students are caffeine fiends and coffee addicts. 

Thus, I knew it was my civic duty to brew up a ranking of the Starbucks locations on campus. So here we go, Aggies, a list of the places to get a good cup of joe from best to worst — from brewtiful to depresso. 

To clarify, these rankings are based on the location and atmosphere rather than the quality of the coffee itself and my personal experience.

At the top spot, we got Quadbucks

It’s fast, it’s efficient and it runs like the navy, which is to be expected due to its vicinity to (unsurprisingly) the Quad and Corp of Cadets. The baristas might as well be five-star generals, and you even get to see cadets in civilian clothes! 

All jokes aside, what makes this spot take the cake is its well-roundedness. It has a warm and cozy atmosphere, but has enough room to fit a lot of people with its spacious upstairs lounging area. There is never a long line, it’s close to a lot of buildings on campus and it’s never out of ingredients. It’s a well-run ship. I don’t have much to say other than it does a solid job. 

Ranking: 5 out 5 beans, brewtiful!

Second place, we have the Starbucks at Zachary

I already knew most of my tuition money was going to that building, but now I finally see the bang for my buck. This Starbucks makes you feel like a CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation on Wall Street. If you were to arrive in a suit and tie, I think you’d fit right in. 

The location is also pretty big with many different tables, booths and sofas and it even has a secluded area for intense concentration (something engineers really do need). Similar to Quadbucks, it’s quick and efficient. It almost feels like there is an engineer working there who made a mathematical equation for efficiency.

The only thing that makes this location second rather than first place is that it’s secluded and far from the rest of campus. 

Ranking: 4 ½ beans out of 5.

Up next, we have Hullabaloo

The closest encounter I’ve had to meeting angels is ordering at this location. There hasn’t been a time where they don’t call me honey, wish me a good day or ask me how I am. 

The line is also never long, so even if it’s far, you can still go where you need to on time. However, the location isn’t really interesting with only a few tables; it’s bland and very small.

Ranking: 3 ½ beans out of 5.

Now we have the Starbucks at West Campus

You probably didn’t even know this location existed unless you’re on West Campus often, which sums up how I’d describe it. Both its benefits and disadvantages are related to its location. 

If you have a lot of classes at West Campus, it’s cool that you got your own spot. However, because it’s the only location on West Campus, it usually has a long line and there is never room to sit down. It’s also far from any other class most people have. 

Ranking: 2 ½ beans out of 5.

At the bottom of the list, the Memorial Student Center, or MSC, “Starbucks”

The only good thing about this “Starbucks” is that it’s at the MSC. It’s also close to many other restaurants and stores, which are honestly more worth your time because, oddly enough, they are always missing some integral ingredient to making actual coffee. 

Need a dairy alternative? Not an option. 

Wanting Nitro Cold Brew? There’s no nitro. 

Want an Iced Chai Latte? It’s gone. 

The line also gets very long, and the sitting area is squeezed into a corner. Do yourself a favor and go to the neighboring convenience store or Chick-fil-A. 

Ranking: 2 beans out of 5.

Lastly, we have hell on earth — I mean the Starbucks at Evans Library

Don’t let this very convenient location deceive you. If you want to experience all five stages of grief, the four seasons or how it felt to live as long as Queen Elizabeth II, then just make your way to the Evans Starbucks. 

The line to order is eerily reminiscent of a reticulated python, the longest serpent in the world, and waiting for your order itself is equivalent to waiting for the last book of the Game of Thrones to come out. 

This space never has available seating, making you feel like a loser as you wallow around aimlessly trying to find somewhere to settle. 

OK, maybe it’s the most accessible spot on campus, and most people go there to grab a drink while studying at the library. Nevertheless, the wait time is so incredibly long that you’ll probably not even have enough time to study anymore.

Then to make things worse —the poor, well-intentioned baristas try talking to everyone in the line. It’s bad timing. 

Ranking: 1 out of 5 beans, depresso.

So, if your life is on the verge of falling apart, go ahead and snag a coffee and use this list so you can ensure you can get the best cup you can find to achieve a brewtiful experience.

Lilia Elizondo is an English senior and opinion writer for The Battalion.