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Opinion: How ChatGPT got my mom a date

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Opinion writer Benjamin Barnes explains how ChatGPT is also useful for giving relationship advice. 

 

It’s likely you’ve already heard of or even used ChatGPT. It’s intelligent enough to summarize entire articles and solve chemistry problems. It can even copy your individual prose and spit out essays down to the exact word limit.
While I cannot personally vouch for using ChatGPT in the ways listed above, I will encourage you to start thinking outside the box when it comes to using artificial intelligence, or AI.
Just as with any instrument or tool, ChatGPT becomes more useful when you know how to use it properly. If you’re only using it to write discussion posts and solve the occasional multiple choice question, not only are you violating the sacred Aggie Code of Honor, but you’re not even scratching the surface of what AI is capable of doing.
If Harry Potter only knew one spell and refused to learn any others, Hagrid wouldn’t exactly be declaring, “You’re a wizard, Harry!” The same goes for learning how to communicate and test the limits of deep learning models.
Not to worry because, much like you, I thought ChatGPT was only useful for performing the mundane tasks I was too lazy to do. That is, until it got my mom a date.
In fact, I’m willing to bet ChatGPT has better game than you. Take these generated pickup lines as hard proof. “Do you have a map because I keep getting lost in your eyes?” “Excuse me, but I think you dropped something: my jaw,” and my personal favorite; “Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?”
Naturally when my mom approached me, her considerably younger college son for dating advice, I was a bit flattered. Have my vast number of botched dates and failed romances actually gifted me with supreme knowledge of the secrets to a healthy relationship?
In reality, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. She asked me for two reasons, one: She’s been out of the dating scene for a number of years and two: Because I’m young and somewhat in touch with progressive dating norms. No Mom, I wouldn’t recommend using the tongue emoji to express you enjoyed your dinner date no matter how delicious it was.
After I had caught my mother up to speed on how to flirt via iMessage, her texts were nearly indistinguishable from even my most quirky friends. She was ready. That is until her love interest started playing hard to get.
From canceling dates to inconsistent texts, this dude was either playing hard to get or stringing my Mom along, neither of which I was going to tolerate for long. I needed to adopt a new approach, something with more vigor.
I had already played around with ChatGPT so I knew it was capable of analyzing situations better than anything. So, like any loving son, I told ChatGPT everything. I copy and pasted their texts and included a short synopsis of how my Mother now felt.
ChatGPT sided with my Mother. His texts were hot and cold. One excuse turned into two and so on. He needed to follow through or in layman’s terms, shit or get off the pot. I then asked what a proper response from my Mother should look like.
She told me she wanted to convey her disappointment, but not to the extent of extinguishing their connection or scaring him off. It also needed to be three sentences or less because if there’s one thing I do know, it’s that guys will skim over anything longer than a paragraph.
That’s right ladies, he’s not reading the vindictive memoirs you send at 3 a.m., but if it brings you peace, I say go for it honestly.
As ChatGPT studied their conversation flooded with entirely too many unironic laughing emojis, I sat anxiously wondering if it could possibly understand the complexities of relationships and the struggles of dating. It turns out it did quite easily which either means AI is more human than we thought or we just have a tendency to overcomplicate things.
“I understand that unexpected things can happen, but being stood up three times has left me feeling hurt and disrespected. If we are going to continue getting to know each other, I would appreciate clear communication and reliability when making plans. It’s important to me to build a foundation of trust, and mutual respect in any kind of relationship.”
Not only did this response yield an immediate apology from the guy, but it also held both parties accountable. My mom wasn’t afraid to voice her opinion anymore, and her date was aware she wasn’t someone who was going to let their time go to waste.
Once she secured their first date, my next battle was teaching her how to ask ChatGPT polite ways to kick someone out at a reasonable hour, or how to tell someone you’d rather go out than eat whatever animal they burned on the grill trying to impress you.
I’m not going to tell you AI is some all-knowing entity that will know how to deal with every dilemma in your life, however, if you are willing to simply talk to ChatGPT, it could potentially be your new favorite resource to go to for advice. Probably the least toxic too.
Beyond relationship advice, I also implore you to explore the ways in which AI. interest you. From Obama, Trump and Biden taking over YouTube this past month playing anything from Minecraft to Wii Baseball, AI is taking over the entertainment industry too.
I know we’ve collectively decided to cancel that certain artist who shall not be named, but his AI generated version of “Hey There Delilah” will bring tears to your eyes.
The takeaway in all of this? Don’t fear AI, but also don’t abuse it by forcing it to write your essays for you either. Communicate with open source AI and learn how to test its creative limits. Who knows, it just might save your relationship.
Benjamin Barnes is a telecommunications junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.

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About the Contributor
Bj Barnes
Bj Barnes, Opinion Columnist
Benjamin Barnes is a Telecommunication Media Studies senior from Rochester, Indiana. Barnes' has been involved with The Battalion since his junior year and plans to start his own media group following graduation. If he's not writing, he's most likely watching a Texans game or at the gym.
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