“Blimey. That’s one big woman.”
My mother is 5 feet, 3 inches tall, and my father is 6 feet, 4 inches. Unfortunately for me, I got my height from my dad. I’m 5 feet,10 inches and best described as “having legs for days.” Because of my giant genes, my jeans must be ordered extra long and my shoes extra flat. However, when I feel like being intimidating, I put on my tallest heels and approach a towering 6 feet, 2 inches.
Sure, my long legs come in handy when I’m running late and need to be somewhere quickly, or when I’m at a concert and don’t have to worry about my view being blocked. But when it comes to dating, I used to wish I was a 5-foot shorty like my mother.
But now, I have come to accept that I will likely not date anyone taller than me. Tall men love the 5-footers. Maybe the height difference is some kind of boost to their masculinity? Men subconsciously search for dainty and small women to domesticate. Well, I have never been described as dainty or small, so I hate to disappoint you boys; you can exit this article now.
On the opposite end, most women don’t want a short guy. Again, subconsciously, women are looking for that power difference. Maybe to feel safe? To match the heteronormative status quo? My anger issues and uppercut hook make me feel safe enough, thank you very much.
What I’m trying to say is that tall women and short men really aren’t that different when it comes to dating. We’re both romantic rejects.
So, my modest proposal is that tall women and short men should start seeing their commonalities and give love a chance. Of course, attraction is not something you choose. If we could choose who we like, we wouldn’t have those embarrassing moments when you show your friend the guys you’ve talked to in the past, and they respond with “as long as you’re happy.” It’s OK, everyone regrets their past crushes.
But nonetheless, don’t let height be a deal breaker. I can tell you most people who know they’re hot stuff are usually the worst people to date. And I’m sorry, tall boys and short girls know they’re in demand and act accordingly. Whereas a romantic reject will be more humble, oftentimes more genuine and more appreciative of the moments they get to spend with you.
We know we’re not what the general population is looking for. So, we won’t act like douchebags. Of course, there’s always outliers, and it is really tough to get played by someone 2 feet shorter than you, but hey, love is a battlefield. Plus, it makes the breakup easier when you can say you were taller than them. Or when you can check off your list that you were powerful enough to pull a tall woman at one point in your life. Both forms of coping have merit in different ways.
Look at Donkey from “Shrek.” The love of his life is five times taller than him and a different species entirely, and they’re couple goals. We should all hope to find our soulmate whom we create weird half donkey half dragon children with. Is that too much to ask?
I know, tall girls are intimidating. I myself have been told that I am very scary to approach, so boys you might be putting up your defenses in comments saying you don’t want tall women in the first place, but I know you’re all in love with Lady Dimitrescu so that argument is moot. Girls will find it attractive when you are brave, even if we could pick you up and hold you on our hips like a toddler.
There is something irresistible about a man who is confident enough in himself to handle a tall girl like me.
People can get caught up in relationship aesthetics that we can disregard a whole population of people based on their height rather than their character. Height is not something that someone can control, having a bad personality and poor morals is. Are we really going to be that vain to disregard someone based on their height?
I don’t care how attractive you are physically, what’s attractive to me is being a good person and having a sense of humor. Gasp! Who’d’ve thought? You don’t have to be a certain height to garner my affection, you just have to be funny and kind. Some of the worst people I have dated are the ones taller than me. They know they’re tall and desired for it so they end up having little to no personality and even less morals.
All in all, the romantic rejects deserve love too. So girls, the next time a short guy approaches you don’t laugh him off and call him a ‘Farquad’ before you get to know him. And boys, if you see a tall girl, be like Donkey, and conquer that Dragon.
Maddie McMurrough is an agricultural communications and journalism junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.