Are you struggling to get a date? Heck, are you having a hard time even speaking to women on campus?
Good news, you won’t be for long.
No, this isn’t an infomercial for some magical elixir that will make the girl of your dreams fall for you for the low price of $19.99. Plus, ew, why would you want that? While it may be discouraging to get turned down, the chase is what makes dating fun, and nothing worthwhile comes to those looking for a shortcut.
All right, now buckle up and get your pencil out because after learning these tips, you’ll soon be the Casanova of College Station.
After speaking with a few girls — some single and some in a relationship — they shared their ideas on what the best strategy is when it comes to attracting a potential partner. So, let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
Approaching a Woman
As many of you know, despite being the first step, this is actually the hardest for most guys. Your head becomes a clouded mess of the possible scenarios of rejection akin to death itself.
Will she make it quick and painless by telling me she’s taken, or will it be slow and agonizing as she ghosts me over the next several days?
Get this out of your mind. Instead of focusing on all the ways it can go wrong, focus instead on how you’re moments away from forming a new friendship. Believe it or not, but the law of attraction actually claims positive thoughts manifest positive outcomes.
Okay, good. Now that you’re in the right headspace, you can start walking over to her — and yes, your first impression should be face-to-face. No sliding up on Snapchat stories over here, champ. You want her to be able to pair a face with your personality, which is almost impossible to do over social media.
However, setting matters. According to sophomore Evelyn Bonner, aspiring psychology major, guys should avoid approaching girls while they’re deep in study mode. Whether it’s in class, somewhere on campus or even at Northgate, Bonner said guys’ best shot at sparking a conversation is “if she’s on her phone or if she’s with her friends. That shows confidence.”
Junior education major Landry Bailey stressed the importance of asking for a girl’s number as opposed to Snapchat and using words like “beautiful” rather than “hot.”
“This will make her swoon,” Bailey said.
Talking Stage
Congratulations, you’ve successfully obtained her number. Now it’s time to capitalize. She may take a while to respond, that’s OK. You may have the burden of creating interesting conversation topics, that’s OK.
The sad reality is, in the age of social media, girls tend to have significantly more options than you do. They’re also more selective. You shouldn’t fret though, because this is your chance to stand out.
First things first, don’t be too invested in the idea of impressing your crush.
She wants a companion — not an arrogant jerk. Most girls prefer a genuine guy who’s not the best at making conversation over a pretentious frat bro who’s just looking for his next score. Rangeland, wildlife and fisheries management sophomore Jessica Sebastian kept it sweet and simple when she said, “You don’t have to put up a front, just be yourself.”
That being said, don’t be too much of yourself. Complicated, I know. However, rather than make conversation about niche topics you’re interested in, i.e. fantasy football, flip the weight of the discussion to her. Her interests, future aspirations, latest food craving and favorite new music are now all you care about.
Biology junior Amber Del Angel said it’s best to “really [get] to know the person first before you start talking about things that could potentially be uncomfortable for the other person.” Again, while it may seem relatable to tell her what kind of drunken trouble you ran into over the weekend, it might be wise to test the waters before doing so.
If you’re having trouble navigating potential starter topics, here’s a few ideas.
What’s your comfort movie and why?
Send me a playlist of ten songs that are essential to your being, and I’ll rank em’.
Do you have pets? (Ask to see pictures). This gets them gushy.
And if you’re feeling spicy — what’s the best meal you’ve had in recent memory? Want to go?
First Date
Hallelujah! You’ve done it. I’m proud. You’ve served your sentence in the talking stage and gotten to know her as a friend, but more importantly, as an individual with feelings and desires a profile bio could never capture.
Typically speaking, girls like assurance. Once you get around to making plans for the first date, come to her with a concrete proposal. Dinner and ice skating, Bigshots and a picnic or even volunteering at a pet shelter.
Just whatever you do, all of the women I spoke to highly discouraged offering to go back to your place, no matter how subpar you are at playing the guitar. This strategy is nowhere near ‘Kenough’ to win her over.
Assuming the night goes well, she may turn and look at you for a prolonged period of time. No, she isn’t challenging you to a staring contest, she’s looking for you to make a move. This could be a kiss, a hug or simply a few words displaying your affection for her. It varies for each person, but above all else, as some of the girls mentioned, consent is key.
If you’ve got all that, I think you’re prepared for your first collegiate heartbreak — I mean interaction with a woman. It’s important to remember that knowing who you are is half the battle. As Sebastian said, “Girls don’t want to babysit.”
If you’re in tune with yourself, girls will take note of the kind of guy you are and what you bring to the table.
That’s all there is to it. Who would have thought learning what girls want starts by actually talking to them? A catch-22 at its finest. Well, at least now you’ve got some idea of where to start.
Benjamin Barnes is a telecommunication media studies senior and opinion columnist for The Battalion.