Google Maps, Apple Maps, Waze — your favorite helping hand is just a click away. It’s not 1999 anymore, why would any of us opt for a paper map that requires space and time?
Imagine unfolding a map of College Station to highlight the route you need to take to your respective H-E-B, then writing it all down on a slip of paper and — oh no! — attempting to pay attention to what roads you need to turn onto without a voice screaming at you to “TURN RIGHT ONTO WELLBORN ROAD.” How utterly awful that would be, since no one seems capable of driving 10 minutes down the main roads without the help of their giant tablet that’s connected to the dash and displaying a blown-up map.
What if you had to know both the names of the streets and where the streets are located? And then where one street intersects with another and where the Sonic is in relation to these streets. Gosh, I’m already getting overwhelmed. You must feel even worse than me, you poor thing.
And don’t even get me started on the drive back to your hometown. It must be so confusing, remembering to just drive straight for 100 miles without the help of Google. What if you’re supposed to U-turn randomly? What if there’s a crash, and you don’t find out the backroads could loop you 20 miles around to save an entire minute?
There’s no shame in being a little directionally challenged. It’s a fun go-to icebreaker, a silly giggle with your friends that you still can’t even tell your lefts from your rights, even though you were fully accepted into our great university. Oh, what a life these people live.
Your mom can’t hold your hand forever, so the maps apps have stepped in to help you find your way. A little Freudian, I suppose. Nevertheless, perhaps the replacement of our mothers with an inanimate object as our guide through life might not be all bad.
Honestly, the voices programmed into these softwares might even be sweeter sounding than the person who raised you, since you can actually get to choose their voice. A sexy, Australian man telling you where to go? Sign me up.
Now, if you’re someone who’s from out of town, I understand the struggles of still finding your way around. Without clicking on apps to lead you home with the beautiful, bold blue line — and maybe this time with a South African-accented voice — you might actually have to pay attention and be aware while driving. No more going on autopilot while you daydream your drive away.
Some may say a lack of direction could become weaponized incompetence when you choose to continuously ignore landmarks instead of taking charge to find your way to the coffee shop you frequent each morning without an app — but this is absolutely ridiculous. Anyone should be able to coast through life without ever using their brain for something as mundane as directions. We are living in the future, so let’s make use of it with a GPS.
Maps apps have saved us from the boredom of paying attention to our surroundings. It may have been a necessity when our parents got their licenses, but we can have blissful unawareness with just the tap of a button.
Never mind looking at the speed limit signs. The app — and maybe even your car — will tell you! And if it’s wrong and you’re tragically pulled over by blue and red flashing lights? I’m sure it’ll hold up in a court of law when you explain to the judge why you sped through a work zone 20 mph too fast because “the app wasn’t up to date yet.”
All in all, you are totally not incompetent because you have to use maps to navigate even the small maze that is the Bryan-College Station area. It prevents you from using the unnecessary brain power to remember lame things like street names and historical landmarks, so your reliance on maps only proves you are actually much more intelligent than your peers.
This reliance on GPS is essential to the entire human race to have more time and memory space for the things that actually matter.
Keep your brain active with much more fulfilling activities such as doomscrolling. Let it fill up with useful information, like which celebrities are getting canceled and which ones deserve your endless praise online. Never lose your maps apps, and you will continue to cruise through life forever.
Thea Findlay is a communications junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.
