LinkedIn is no longer a networking platform. It is, quite clearly, Instagram for people who own at least one blazer and have recently discovered the word “leverage.”

What was once a space for job listings and occasional networking has evolved into a carefully curated performance of professional success. Naturally, like any responsible college student, I took it upon myself to study this phenomenon extensively by scrolling for an unhealthy amount of time and quietly judging everyone I know — and those I don’t. 

In fact, I would argue LinkedIn is now the only platform where it is socially acceptable to announce you have registered for your classes and receive 97 likes for it. This level of engagement suggests something important is happening here. I don’t yet have the words to describe it, but it feels incredibly significant.

After thorough research, I’ve identified the key elements required to succeed on LinkedIn.

Step 1: Announce everything. Immediately.

The first rule of LinkedIn is simple: If you don’t post about it, it didn’t happen.

Got an internship? Post it.

Applied for an internship? Post it.

Thought about applying for an internship? Draft up a post just in case. And then post it. If possible, include a photo of yourself looking professionally candid, as if someone caught you mid-growth. 

Opportunities are no longer just experiences — they now serve as content, too. Ideally, they are content before they are even opportunities.

Step 2: Begin with ‘I am thrilled to announce … ’

There are many ways to start a sentence, but only one that matters.

Not excited, not happy — thrilled. If you are not thrilled, this is a personal issue that should be resolved before posting.

The level of enthusiasm must suggest that this opportunity has fundamentally altered the trajectory of your life, even if it is a three-month internship, during which you will spend most of your time updating spreadsheets. These spreadsheets, while confidential, will likely change you as a person.

Step 3: Be humble. Extremely humble. Publicly humble. 

Confidence is good, but on LinkedIn, it must be disguised.

This is where the art of humblebrag comes in. You are not proud — you are “honored.” You did not earn this, you are “grateful for the opportunity.” You may also want to imply that you were, at best, a passive observer in your own hiring process.

Ideally, your post should read like you have absolutely nothing to do with your own success.

Step 4: Thank everyone you have ever met.

No achievement is an individual effort. Ever.

Be sure to thank your mentors, professors, friends, family, your friends’ families and, most importantly, that one recruiter you spoke to for four minutes. If space permits, be sure to thank the concept of growth. 

If fewer than 10 people are acknowledged, the post may be flagged as insincere. High-performing users have been known to thank Wi-Fi, coffee and the abstract concept of perseverance.

Step 5: Share what you ‘learned.’

This is crucial. Every experience must produce wisdom.

Common insights include “communication is key,” “growth happens outside your comfort zone” and “failure is just success in progress.”

These lessons must be presented as groundbreaking discoveries, despite being widely known since approximately middle school. One particularly advanced post I encountered explained that “time management is important,” a revelation that will undoubtedly reshape the workforce for generations to come.

Step 6: Become a thought leader. Immediately.

After completing one internship, you are now qualified to give advice.

This may feel premature, but LinkedIn operates on a different timeline. Expertise is less about experience and more about willingness to post. In many cases, posting itself is the experience.

Consider sharing thoughts under posts titled “Five things my internship taught me,” “Three ways to stand out as a leader” or a vague story that somehow ends in a lesson about resilience.

Step 7: Optimize your personality.

Over time, you may notice your language becoming more efficient.

You are no longer just a student. You are a “results-driven, detail-oriented leader with a passion for innovation.”

Personality is not removed entirely, it is simply streamlined for professional use. Any remaining individuality can be listed under “additional skills.”

Step 8: Engage with others strategically.

Engagement is key. When another announces their success, you must respond promptly with phrases like “So well-deserved!” or “Incredible achievement!” regardless of your actual level of familiarity with the person.

Ideally, you should support people you have never spoken to. This builds community and, more importantly, visibility.

Remember: Networking is no longer about connection. It is about mutual public acknowledgment.

Step 9: Maintain consistency.

Success on LinkedIn is not a one-time event — it is a sustained narrative.

If too much time passes between posts, people may assume you are no longer succeeding.

To avoid this, consider announcing minor updates such as attending workshops, updating your resume or experiencing personal growth in real time.

Consistency ensures that your audience remains aware that you continue to exist professionally.

Turning college into content

For students, this shift into LinkedIn obsession is especially noticeable. College is no longer just a place to learn; it is a content pipeline.

Experiences are chosen not only for what they offer, but for how they will sound when they are announced. Internships, leadership roles and even casual conversations are carefully reframed into narratives of growth. 

Achievement alone is no longer enough. It must also be visible, preferably through excessive enthusiasm, strategic formatting and a caption that includes at least one exclamation point. 

After all, learning is temporary, but a LinkedIn post is forever.

In this way, college becomes less about education and more about documentation. The degree is important, of course, but the announcement is what really counts.

Because at the end of the day, success is not measured by what you do. It is measured by how well you say you did it — preferably in three to five concise paragraphs with bullet points.

And if possible, include a headshot. Just in case anyone forgets what success looks like.

Prachi Arora is a political science freshman and opinion writer for The Battalion.