Curly hair is the hardest beast to tame. 

From an inability to brush it when it’s dry to the mountain of frizz and constant entanglement, I still haven’t learned the best way to deal with my hair — but curly hair TikTok believes it has.

The secret lies in a mysterious hair texture chart that changes every time I look at it. Ranging from 1A to 4C, TikTok has become obsessed with labeling your hair type and finding the exact routine needed to give you the best results — but it simply doesn’t work that way.

I mostly have what would be considered 3A hair, but I also have parts of my hair that are super curly, falling into the 3B category, and parts that are more wavy that would be considered 2C. This is the case for many curly-haired people, as hair is unpredictable.

According to TikTok, to style my hair I should completely wet and section it into two or three layers, coat each layer in a strong-hold gel, then brush through them with a  fan-favorite product, the Bounce Curl brush. Most importantly, when I do the top layer, I should brush from the front to the back, getting rid of my hair part before letting my locks naturally settle. Then I simply flip my hair upside down to scrunch mousse into it, diffuse the strands and then soften them with hair oil. I should then sleep in a bonnet to protect my hair and only wash and style it every three-or-so days.

However, I don’t section my hair or use a Bounce Curl brush; I sleep in braids, not a bonnet; I use a soft-hold gel and wash and style my hair every day. The suggested routine just doesn’t work on my hair. 

But it’s supposed to, right? 

It took me a long time to accept that the “3A hair routine” everyone swears by just doesn’t work on my 3A hair. I kept scrolling through all these girls’ perfect, voluminous hair regimens, and I felt like I was doing curly hair wrong.  In reality, however, my hair is just different, as is everyone else’s

I’ve Frankensteined my own routine that works for me, and I’m starting to feel confident in my curls, but it doesn’t change the alienating feeling of comparison that has lived in my head for the better part of a decade.

This obsession with labeling people’s hair is part of a larger issue of trying to fit people into certain boxes to conform to societal norms. For the longest time, and arguably still today, the standard was straight hair.

I didn’t know I had curly hair until I was 14 years old. I lived in braids for most of middle school because my hair was so uncontrollable when it was down, but I didn’t even think it was possible for me to have curly hair because no one in my family did, and anyone I knew with this hair type straightened it most of the time. 

As a result, my hair became one of my biggest insecurities. I immediately stood out, and because I had no idea how to style it, what haircut would look best or how to take care of it, my lack of “beauty” stood out even more.

After spending years coming to terms with my hair and overcoming my insecurities, TikTok has placed me right back into them. This group that preaches to “embrace” curly hair is actually incredibly exclusive. 

By trying to fit everyone’s hair into a box, they dismiss anyone whose hair doesn’t look exactly like theirs. The whole idea of “forcing” curls is their biggest policing term when it comes to people’s hair routines, but straight hair is not going to hold a curl just because there is gel in it — wavy hair exists.

The idea of what is beautiful is such an arbitrary and subjective standard that constantly pushes women to change themselves to fit an ever-evolving set of standards, and companies and creators thrive on this insecurity. 

Even if someone is “forcing” a curl pattern, why does it matter? Why can’t people style their hair how they want? Everyone should get to freely express themselves even if it disrupts society’s narrative of what is normative.

I could have 3A hair; I could also not. I could be styling my hair well; I could also not. It doesn’t matter. I’m confident in myself and my looks and that is all that matters. 

One doesn’t need to know their hair type to know they’re beautiful. They just need to look within.

Bethany Mann is a history freshman and opinion writer for The Battalion.