On Jan. 22, President Mark A. Welsh III will premier his much-anticipated podcast, “At Ease.” Giving a peek into the various activities and personalities at Texas A&M, he and chief of staff Susan Ballabina start by interviewing baseball coach Michael Early, with other guests to come.
But as every white man who has attempted to start a podcast knows, it’s difficult to be successful amongst the other white men also trying to start a podcast. What will you do? Who will you bring on? Well, President Welsh, look no further!
Here are some of my best recommendations as potential guests for your new podcast.
Obviously, the first and most important interviewee would be the queen herself, Reveille X. Ever seen the movie “Up”? Let’s strap on one of those dog collars Dug had and hear the beautiful stories Reveille can grace us with. I could easily listen to what she has to say for hours on end.
Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until that technology has been created for this to become a reality — STEM students, get on this please.
As one might guess, you probably haven’t had much experience podcasting before, and that’s OK! The Aggie Network is expansive, and I’ve found someone that just might help with your podcasting skills: Brittany Broski.
If you’re unfamiliar, Broski is a social media personality and podcaster. She hosts “The Broski Report” and has interviewed many famous names, such as singer Charli XCX, actress Saoirse Ronan and actor Timothée Chalamet.
But Broski actually graduated from A&M in 2019! What a valuable resource to help you be the best podcaster you can be. Have her on the podcast and then keep her as a consultant for her expertise.
Who knows, maybe one day she’ll anoint you as “Assistant Supreme Leader.”
One of the reasons I chose to attend this great university was watching former Aggie quarterback Johnny Manziel play during his Heisman-winning season, and seeing him on the podcast would be incredible. However, something I think you should consider for this interview is the location.
Atmosphere bleeds into conversation, and what better place to create an atmosphere than having the podcast at Northgate? Let’s relive the times Johnny Football tore up Kyle Field and then would tear up the bar after by setting the interview in his Money Bar. Take a couple of shots together, play some bar games and maybe roll up a joint like Manziel did when he was a student.
We might have to wheel you out when this episode is done.
History is best learned, not relived. But sometimes it’s best to come face-to-face with some people of our past, even if it’s people who we wish to not ever come across again. President Welsh, put former president Kathy Banks on the podcast.
As disliked as she is on campus, she deserves a spot. Topics you may discuss with her include her thoughts on racism and what was going through her head when she tried to shut down the physical printing of The Battalion.
Every podcaster knows no episode should be exactly the same. Sure, have those big-name interviews, but maybe switch up the format once in a while — like maybe by going right across our own campus!
Stop by Heldenfelds Hall to ask how it feels to be the ugliest building at A&M, get a few thoughts from the campus squirrels on what their favorite scare tactics against students are and ask the Century Tree about the most awkward moments it’s witnessed.
We, the people, need this.
Lastly, everyone loves a good season finale. It’s the culmination of your hard podcasting work, and it should go out with a bang. But what guest to end it with?
Now, not many people are going to agree with me, but hear me out: former baseball coach Jim Schlossnagle.
The man who betrayed Aggieland? Why would we ever want to allow him to step foot in our beloved town again? Why would we even want to associate with him again?
Again, hear me out.
Take the Yell Leaders and head west to the land where orange burns, sneak into his home and capture him. Bring him back to College Station and throw him into the recording studio. Obviously he isn’t going to cooperate, but that’s OK — you’re going to make him talk.
As you were once in the military, you should be familiar with torture tactics, and what better way to treat a terrorist like Schlossnagle than by using one of the premier tactics — waterboarding!
As once upon a time Gatorade was dumped on him for his achievements, now it will be dumped on him for his betrayal. Keep doing it until he is willing to cooperate and do the podcast, and then you can start. Interrogate him for his actions and embarrass him for the embarrassment he brought to our university. You’re our president, and it’s your job to hold people accountable when they don’t respect us.
Let’s put that general rank to good use.
Welsh, I hope you’ll consider these choices, and I’m so excited to see what the future in the podcasting world holds for you. Maybe one day, you’ll make it bigger than being president of our university, to the epitome of modern podcasting: spreading misinformation like Alex Jones and Joe Rogan for millions of viewers.
I look forward to what you have in store.
Joshua Abraham is a kinesiology junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.
