Ah, yes, The Mugdown — The Battalion’s sad little brother. “Texas A&M’s First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875,” according to their website. Just put the fries in the bag, lil bro.
They think they’re special with their pseudonyms, but it just makes them unaccountable. Rumor has it they even make new members sign NDAs as part of their initiation. Given all the confidentiality, it makes sense that no one outside the organization really knows much about The Mugdown.
That changes today.
I sat down with The Mugdown’s editorial staff under the guise of being a new Battalion writer tasked with writing a glazing article about them. They, in their hubris, believed me.
The interviewees included Editor-In-Chief Thrombolius Jackson, Managing Editor Winston Fitzgeraldson VIII, and Social Media Editor Big Spence. Each assured me separately and unprompted that those were their real government names.
I feel it’s important to note the Mugdown editorial team started off by asking for my pronouns before consistently using the wrong ones for the entirety of the interview.
Why is it called The Mugdown?
“We just really like coffee,” Jackson said. “That’s why we’re called The Mugdown. That’s what people don’t know. That’s what the left doesn’t want you to know.”
When asked whether the name had any tie to the tradition of “mugging down” during Midnight Yell, Jackson just shrugged and said he’d never been to a football game.
What does The Mugdown contribute to Texas A&M?
“I mean, I think we’re pretty funny,” Spence said. “Satire is supposed to, like, mean something, right? I don’t know. I just like when we’re funny.”
“We tell the truth,” Jackson said. “Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, like ‘Sue Sylvester To Replace Joe Ramirez Jr. As Vice President Of Student Affairs,’ but it’s still the truth. And, like with that article, sometimes the truth isn’t the truth. We’re more meta than that.”
Why does The Mugdown use pseudonyms?
“I don’t want my mommy and daddy to see I’m posting swear words and inappropriate content,” Jackson said. “It’s for my protection, really.”
“We don’t want to face the repercussions of our actions,” Spence added.
What is The Mugdown all about?
“We just have a lot of biases — political biases, religious biases, gastronomical biases, gastrointestinal biases — that we really want to push on people,” Fitzgeraldson said.
And you work these biases into your articles?
“I try to have a different agenda for every day of the week,” Fitzgeraldson said.
“A-genda?” Spence rejoined. “I thought there were multiple.”
What does The Mugdown represent?
“We represent everything the Battalion doesn’t: truth, beauty, freedom, pronouns,” Jackson said. “You want a chuckle? A giggle? A laugh? A chortle? You want to think uncomfortable thoughts? You want The Mugdown.”
When asked to elaborate on his previous statement, Jackson pretended not to speak English.
What does The Mugdown have planned for the future?
“We’re starting a podcast,” Fitzgeraldson said. “If Big Welshie can do it, so can we. We’re just deciding on a name. ‘The Pot Stirrer Podcast,’ ‘It’s Muggy in Here: The Podcast,’ ‘The Mugcast,’ ‘Mug Tuah,’ ‘The Mugdown Mugcast Mug … Mug Podcast — many such options.”
From myself and the rest of The Battalion, we sincerely hope you don’t.
Charis Adkins is an English senior and opinion editor for The Battalion.
