Texas A&M, historically, was an all-male school until 1963. Prior to the admittance of women, they were bussed over to campus to enjoy the social aspects of the university as the male students’ plus one. This practice seems outdated now, but with a little tweaking, could be highly beneficial for the ladies of A&M.
What if A&M became a women’s only university?
The women at A&M recovering from messy breakups and victims to cat-calling would have no objections to phasing out male students. Nights on Northgate would be far more enjoyable without the looming presence of the sweaty guys with no sense of personal space.
Men are a distraction from what we are here to do: learn. The denim jorts and country twang blinds us from our girl boss goals. Their messy instincts are ingrained in their Y chromosome — part of an evolutionary strategy that yearns for female destruction. They hoodwink us and sabotage our degrees while we swoon.
Without distractions, the women of A&M would become unstoppable. I mean, the highest-ranking member of the Corps of Cadets is Queen Reveille, a female. The president of the university is M. Katherine Banks, a woman. We’re holding all the cards and this isn’t a game of Old Maid. If there was any time to go gyno it’s now.
The lack of testosterone would create more opportunities for women to succeed in male-dominated fields. The lady-engineers would thrive in the small class settings, female construction science majors would enjoy the quiet in Francis Hall and women farmers would be able to guarantee farm fresh, male-free produce. Don’t even get me started on women in the Corps. You could walk the halls without fear of your buddies catching you in your towel.
This initiative would also make A&M a safe sanctuary. There will be no need for the blue light telephone poles or the Corps Escort unless you need a “hot girl walk” or advice.
Now, I’m not saying men won’t ever be on campus. You can be our plus one to Midnight Yell and football games, and of course, we would permit all men already admitted to continue their degree.
I know what you’re thinking: How will we have a football team with no men?
Easy, we’ll create a satellite campus for the male Aggie athletes and they will commute to College Station for each football game. However, their academic status permitting them into the university hinges on their success in athletic achievements. Take notes Jimbo, that’s how to make a winning football team.
We’ll change the 12th Man to the 12th Woman. The Spirit of Aggieland will be sung by Lana Del Rey and Taylor Swift, changing “We’ve got to fight boys” to “We’ve got to slay girls.”
The lack of boys will also make co-ed encounters more enjoyable. People tend to be more civil when they aren’t constantly interacting with a certain demographic. When we do reunite at these social events, both parties, male and female, will enjoy each other’s company far more.
The fact that there are derogatory words for Aggie women is the final reason toward booting the boys. From Maggie to WAG, shorthand for “woman Aggie”, why should we take this kind of slander when we deserve a spot here just as much? With a male-free environment, we can reclaim those words and, hopefully, stop the name-calling.
To all my haters, I know you’re collecting charges of misandry against me, and those are false. I’m just trying to make a more efficient and safe Aggie community. I should be awarded a medal for trying to better our university.
Many ladies at A&M have been drastically underestimated, and we don’t need the misogyny clouding our education system. My modest proposal is to eliminate it entirely, the Maggies are taking back our school and the respect we deserve. Bye-bye boys, we’ll see you on the buses. You’ll make great plus ones.
Maddie McMurrough is an agricultural communications and journalism sophomore and opinion writer for The Battalion.