Oh, we’ve been waiting for this one.
Since the dawn of opinions, there has been a lower class of intellectual discourse, one that relies on malice and wrath to elicit an emotional reaction.
Hate comments have always been a problem that any celebrity, public figure, corporation or other well-known entity has had to endure. For all of the trolls typing endlessly away on their keyboards, this listicle is for you.
Opinion Columnist Joshua Abraham
“Well, you can certtainly say things without much truth or fact in suipport of your observations. It’s your right to do so. But you might want to really look at what your “truth’ is based on. Most people will take the easy path of following along a narrative that is based on half truths and lies. Don’t throw out words like facism and worse if you don’t really know the true meaning of such words. Kimmel was taken off for saying stupid and insensitve things, for which he “apologized”. But those comedians have been taken off the airwaves because the networks are losing millions of dollars annually on those programs. I can take your opinion and lay it side by side of arguments of mainstream media and find that they are so much alike. Shallow thoughts. I used to lament the fact that the BAT wasn’t published much anymore. But given the quality of the articles i’m glad it is going away. No creativity anymore, just rehashing of tired old baseless accusations.”
Shallow thoughts?
You know what is shallow? Thinking Jimmy Kimmel was taken off the air because he had bad reviews, and it was losing ABC millions of dollars. In actuality, when he was taken off air, so many people unsubscribed that they had to reinstate him to try and make up for lost revenue.
Do you know what else is shallow? Your critical thinking skills. Not only can I actually spell fascism, but I can also define it pretty easily: a political system consisting of an authoritarian figurehead, excessive militarism, extreme nationalism and forcible oppression of ideas and people who attempt to counteract the ruling party’s ideologies — I dumbed it down for you.
However, it’s not enough to simply define fascism; we must be able to identify it in our society, which you clearly have not done. I’m going to sleep well at night knowing that in the face of fascism, I stood up and called it out. Meanwhile, you saw what was happening in our country and chose to defend it. An Aggie doesn’t lie, cheat, steal or endorse fascism.
The problem with the media you complain about that endorses the kind of talking points I use is that they use actual evidence you don’t want to hear. You can say my opinion is invalid because it’s popular and unoriginal, but you can’t say it’s not based on evidence. That’s the difference between you and me: My opinions are based on hard, cold facts, and your opinions are based on what people tell you — which is filled with propagandistic lies. There’s a difference.
And don’t worry about the quality of our articles, worry about the quality of your comment — I’ve counted more grammatical errors in your comment than I have fingers on my hands. Our articles have standards; our comments should, too.
Opinion Columnist Wyatt Pickering
“Hi Nick,
As a native of Punxsutawney, we appreciate all of the publicity we get. Thanks!
Derogatory articles about Groundhog day seem to emerge every year. I try to read most of them for amusement.
I have to admit that I feel for Mr. Wyatt Pickering. The young man needs to get laid, or at least, mastrubate more often to improve his mood.
Just in case he missed the obvious, the Groundhog Day festivities are….how do I put this kindly…a joke! It’s been that way since 1887, or so, when it all started. Literally nobody in Punxsutawney is hiding that fact. But we do have fun with it.
I do hope that Mr. Pickering finds some peace in this world. His ability to reason is holding him back from greatness.
Just to be clear, this email exists because I wrote a hate piece on a groundhog who “predicts” the weather. I’ve always written opinion articles, knowing that anything I say can be read by people across the globe. What I failed to consider is that natives of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, would take notice of my defamation of small, furry deities.
My least favorite Punxsatawaney Phil apologist observed that I would be a much nicer person if I decided to engage in more vigorous “self-care” activities. Unfortunately, I am unable to do so because I am simply too busy investigating Groundhog Day’s conspiracies and learning the made-up language of Groundhogese. The only thing larger than my ever-growing cynicism for mammals is my need to be petty. And, in the true spirit of the holiday I have grown to hate, I’ve decided to create a poem to immortalize my thoughts on a man who thinks my ability to reason holds me back from “greatness.” Whatever that means.
There once was a man from Punxsatawaney,
Who didn’t think of me that fondly.
His love is great for a ground-dwelling fraud,
He treats this creature like it’s his god!
I hate Phil, and I am not fond of you.
There will be six more weeks of winter,
and I hope to never get another email from this insane loon.
Opinion Writer Sidney Uy
“Hogwash. EDUCATION not indoctrination.
There are PLENTY of courses and degree programs in nonsense at TAMU if your blue haired, bullring nosed pierced, gender confused ass wants to pay to pursue them.”
It’s an honor to be put in the same category of individuals who can shatter the ego of a middle-aged man and pull off a septum ring doing it. It truly is an honor that plenty of these disgruntled commenters believe that I look really cool and occasionally experience gender envy.
In that case, it should come as no surprise that my haters are spot-on. They deserve a participation award for repeating the same joke since 2017 while they dogpile away in the comment section. The accuracy is uncanny. Of course, I just dyed my hair jet-black, chugged a matcha latte, attended a local protest — yes, very underground — and gifted a four-year-old my annotated copy of Marx’s “Das Kapital” for their own personal enrichment.
I wake up every morning ready to indoctrinate some gullible children and instigate this century’s gender crusades. It’s in my glittery rainbow DNA. As a she/they opinion writer, why do my haters always go after my looks? Well, if you saw me, you’d be in psychosexual frustration, too. It’s Freud all the way down, baby;) Stay woke.
Opinion Writer Killian Netherton
“Oddly enough most aggies currently have better things to do than write opinions for a tainted fading newspaper. If it was good they would prolly attract better talent.”
Fortunately, during my time at The Battalion, I have not received hate comments on most of my articles — until I decided to write a hopeful piece about Charlie Kirk, who had just been assassinated a few weeks prior.
Strangely enough, even though I’m a conservative, this Instagram user mentioned The Battalion’s liberal bias in another comment before going on to mock the quality of our newspaper. Many of the comments also described how they lacked empathy for Kirk’s death, how I was supporting United States censorship of multiple figures and that Kirk belonged in the gates of hell.
Does no one have respect for the dead anymore? Indeed, the disheveled state of our society is evident in the apathetic responses this article has generated. What a disgrace. Even if you didn’t like him or appreciate him, you could at least show a morsel of respect for the dead.
If your mother recently died and she treated me terribly while she was alive, would I laugh in your face during the funeral? No, I would pay my respects because that’s what is expected of a decent person. It’s easy to give in to the temptation to roast someone about their mediocre opinion or channel your anger as you engage in an online feud, but you can not lose sight of your humanity.
Do not let constant dopamine rushes dictate your path; do not allow yourself to live in a cycle of hatred. It has taken me a lot of willpower to restrain myself from mindlessly berating what easily qualifies as a hateful comment, but controlling yourself and your emotions is the hallmark of a developed human being.
Opinion Writer Aidan Zamany
“In 100 years someone is going to write about this article as an example of how people were really stupid at this point in time”
Perhaps to the unenlightened, 100 years seems a significant amount of time. It is a mere blink in the life of humanity. You are shortsighted. I would agree, however, that we do exist in the midst of a Dark Age, devoid of collective morality or any semblance of civilization.
Our era of fear and hopelessness is less so the result of amateur opinion articles written by students like me, but more probably the rhetoric that people like you perpetuate. You exist in a class of cowards, pretentious enough to lecture yet timid enough to obey. Your canvas is the world, and your brush is anti-intellectualism dipped in the type of acid that eats away at the columns of noble culture. Many of us are still patiently awaiting the next renaissance, but it is unlikely to come because of fools like you.
