I love the train of College Station.
There, I said it. I can’t deny these feelings any longer. Just like Bella from “Twilight,” I’ve realized I am irrevocably in love with the train, another immortal creature of the night. And like Mr. Darcy from “Pride and Prejudice,” I am aware these affections are against my better judgment.
I decided to give up dating because the College Station train is better than everyone. If that sounds crazy, it’s because it is, but who said love was cultivated in the realm of the rational?
Call this what you will … lunacy, delusion, denial or maybe even all three. At the very least, I won’t have to sit through another date that is polluted with strawberry vape fumes and essentially an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
I’ll cope.
The train actually keeps me up at night. I can’t remember the last time a crush has made me toss and turn.
It’s so great to hear the train’s banshee-like wails when I am trying to go to sleep at 3 a.m. and fighting for my life, praying the melatonin I took will kick in. Oh my, I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it!
For the most part, humans bore me. Sure, they are able to speak and have a level of consciousness, but can they perform nightly serenades loud enough for an entire town to hear?
When the train isn’t singing, it at least is able to shut up and listen to how my day went. I don’t remember the last time a single person had the ability to not interrupt me and devote their entire attention to me and only me.
On the other hand, the train can pass by for hours and just listen to me talk about my day instead of trying to bore me.
Sure, it makes me late to class, but did I really want to go? Isn’t that romantic? The train literally convinces me to be just so silly, quirky and goofy! It’s spontaneous and essentially a manic pixie dream girl. While humans are quite predictable, this train is consistently inconsistent, sometimes passing by for five minutes or an hour.
In the world of love, time warps. An eternity might as well be one minute, and no amount of minutes on the clock will ever be enough, kind of like sitting through a philosophy lecture but actually fulfilling.
Instead of having routine dates and just showing up to a boring dinner, I wait in anticipation and excitement for the train, never knowing its next move. I even have a handkerchief and everything when I bid the train goodbye as it drives off into the sunset, wondering the next time I will see it.
Although the train is chaotic, it’s also a functioning member of society; it definitely contributes more to the economy than any college student I know, including me. It’s a provider! Instead of playing video games all day, the train actually transports … stuff … I think? I don’t really know what it transports, but it does important things!
The train is hype. It doesn’t even need to go to the gym to get gains. It is made out of bulletproof metal and literally is able to lift tons of weight. The train is the truest follower of the “sigma” mindset; it minds its own business and does its job — being strong and independent.
Not only is the train employed, swole and spontaneous, it’s popular. I know that everyone in College Station knows who the train is. It doesn’t need Tinder, Instagram or TikTok to achieve fame. Generations of Aggies know who the train is.
It might as well be a tradition of Aggieland. Except, it does not need songs, statues or overpriced merchandise to honor its presence. Neither you nor I have ever met someone this well known. No matter how much your date insists that they are niche internet micro-celebrities, they simply can’t compare to the train.
Yeah, it’s a pretty controversial figure, but aren’t the greatest minds too? I don’t want someone boring. I want someone to challenge me and bring up new ideas. Even though it does not have vocal cords or thoughts, it teaches me everyday. Even though it makes me late to class, it does give me a chance to study; it is making me smarter! I don’t know about you, but study dates with humans have never been successful.
The train doesn’t just live in my head rent free, it lives in yours too.
I think all Aggies have their own relationship with the train that transcends time and space. I know you have lost your mind, sleep and time because of the train. I know you have cried, yelled and laughed because of the train. I know that you loved because of the train.
So I think everyone should just give up with their boyfriend, girlfriend and dating as a whole to focus their attention on the College Station train. It is better than any of us will ever be.
Lilia Elizondo is an English senior and opinion writer for The Battalion.