If you could only say one more thing, what would it be?

It’s a difficult question, to be certain. Perhaps you’d wish to impart some age-old wisdom. Possibly you’d seek forgiveness from someone you wronged in the past. Maybe you’d remind your friend that you left the iron plugged in.

Whatever you chose, it would certainly mean something — to you or to someone else. Last words are meant to carry that kind of weight. That final phrase, the last thing one leaves the world with before they depart, has impacted history and literature since the beginning of time.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about what I’m going to say before I go. With the way things are, unfortunately, you get no warning. As such, these things must be planned far in advance.

So naturally, like the good student I am, I found myself doing intense research on the subject, leading me down a path of reading hundreds of different famous last words — only for inspiration, of course. Some were motivational, some were unfortunately ironic, and most had fascinating stories behind them. It seems only fitting to rank my top 10.

10. “Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l’ai pas fait exprès.” – Marie Antoinette

Excuse my French. First up, at the bottom of the list, is Marie Antoinette. Despite what you may have heard, her last words were not “Let them eat cake!” but rather an apology for stepping on the foot of her executioner. Translated, she said, “Pardon me, sir, I did not do it on purpose.”

As one of the most infamous queens in history, known for her unfavorable treatment toward the less fortunate, it’s both funny and sad her final words were asking for forgiveness from a working-class citizen tasked with ending her life.

9. “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.” – Oscar Wilde

I’m certain Oscar Wilde would be pleased to learn that the Paris hotel he passed away in replaced the wallpaper after his death.

8. “I feel great.” – Pete Maravich

Enough said. Perhaps Pete Maravich should have saved his confidence for the basketball court.

7. “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” – Major General John Sedgwick

Major General John Sedgwick was a well-known and beloved Union officer during the Civil War. Unfortunately, irony was his downfall. While scolding his men for taking cover from Confederate soldiers, Sedgwick was struck by a bullet and died from his wound. Let’s leave this with saying that tempting fate is never a good idea.

6. “What the devil do you mean to sing to me, priest? You are out of tune.” – Jean-Philippe Rameau

Rameau was a musical theorist and composer, but it seems he also dabbled as a vocal coach if the situation required. If I were the priest singing Rameau’s last rites, I would have lived the rest of my life in shame.

5. “I see that you have made three spelling errors.” – Marquis de Favras

Reading these last words truly changed the course of my life, and I’ve since decided that Marquis de Favras is my new inspiration. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I would also be offended if the man recording my crimes made three spelling errors. Show some respect!

4. “I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.” – Leonardo da Vinci

No one suffered from imposter syndrome more than Leonardo da Vinci. As a perfectionist myself, I might just steal his last words. You’re right, Leo — the Mona Lisa really is trash, and I can’t fathom anyone ever wanting to lay eyes on it.

3. “Nōlī turbāre circulōs meōs!” – Archimedes

Well said, Archimedes! As a very accomplished Beginning Latin II student, I feel especially qualified to translate the words of this esteemed mathematician and scientist. For those who aren’t Latin scholars, this means “Do not disturb my circles!”

While those may not seem like the most impressive last words, they definitely hint at a pretty entertaining story. The Romans invaded Archimedes’ city, Syracuse, during which — according to Plutarch — a soldier happened upon Archimedes working on a diagram. The soldier ordered Archimedes to follow him, but the mathematician refused. He spoke his famous last words, and in a fit of rage, the soldier ran him through with a sword. The soldier proceeded to take the instruments used to create the circles, mistaking them for treasure.

Archimedes’ death might seem pointless, but at least he died doing what he loved. That’s more than most people can say!

2. “I’m well done on this side. Turn me over!” – Saint Lawrence

These were the last words of Saint Lawrence, who was martyred by the gridiron — or, in layman’s terms, roasted alive. We’re switching gears a little with this quote, toward the more poignant and serious last words. And I know what you’re thinking — “Serious? It sounds like he made a joke to me!” — and yes, he did. But Lawrence, a deacon of the early Roman church, was actually an incredible guy. I had to do some additional research on the man who could joke while he was being killed, and I learned a lot of history that deepened my appreciation for his life. He was in charge of the church’s treasury, and when Emperor Valerian ordered him to hand over all the church’s riches, Lawrence gave it all to the poor. 

Lawrence turned around and, in the power play of the century, presented the poor citizens to the emperor saying, “These are the treasures of the church.”

Iconic last words such as these must be earned, and this Robin Hood character certainly more than earned his.

1. “Go on! Get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!” – Karl Marx

What a perfect way to end, as Karl Marx certainly didn’t waste any time. Forget everything I just said — all those words are for fools!

Marie Kneeland is an English honors freshman and an opinion writer for The Battalion.