Finance sophomore Brianna Anderson found herself in handcuffs after telling her friend she doesn’t like broccoli, leading officers to arrest her at Sbisa Dining Hall. This comes after multiple Super PACs lobbied for the use of broccoli in restaurant-chain meals, moving toward what they believe is a cleaner and healthier way of eating.
“I never thought this would happen,” Anderson said while in custody. “It just came up in a conversation and I expressed my opinion. Next thing you know, I was carried away and thrown into a van before I could finish my lunch.”
Super PAC “Broccoli For All,” the committee responsible for eradicating the history of French onion soup in favor of broccoli cheddar soup, President Alex Kane explained how detrimental processed foods are to society.
“In our research, we have found that processed food is linked to irregular behaviors, such as listening to Nickelback and wearing burnt orange,” Kane said. “Broccoli is the first step in this new wave, and we look to implement more vegetables into our meals in the future.”
Multiple people across the United States have been arrested for their comments on broccoli, saying that their First Amendment rights are at risk.
People such as Richard Braxton, a former fast food worker who was arrested for his public demonstration of throwing hamburgers at people walking past the White House, question if this country is as free as people think.
“Where has free speech gone?” Braxton said. “Broccoli is the ugliest vegetable I’ve ever seen, and I will stand by that. When I was growing up, the church my family attended would play Veggie Tales every Sunday school. This traumatized me, and I credit my religious trauma to this exact moment. You can never make me like broccoli.” He then threw a hamburger patty at a bystander’s face.
After Anderson’s arrest, people took to the streets to protest. About twenty people held up signs and marched from the Memorial Student Center to Academic Plaza, repeating the chants, “Put the fries in the bag, not broccoli,” and “We want peace, we don’t want peas.”
Protestor and international studies senior Shannon Maguire commented how all she wants is to have normal food back on campus.
“These state thugs do not belong on our campus,” Maguire said. “ I say no more to this regime, and no more to this oppressive state we have to live in.”
The Battalion obtained footage of Anderson’s arrest from law enforcement officials, which shows Anderson being dragged from having lunch with her friend, marketing sophomore Sadie Mackenzie, toward a black van parked near Sbisa.
“I’ve never seen anything more traumatizing before,” Mackenzie said after Anderson’s arrest.
In the surveillance video, Anderson and Mackenzie were eating when Anderson saw Mackenzie eating broccoli, to which she expressed her disgust. Immediately, two men in hoodies and ski masks entered Sbisa and approached the table where Anderson was seated. When she asked who they were, they pulled out their badges — which had images of broccoli on them — picked Anderson up from her seat and dragged her to the van.
Officials say they plan to push the deportation of Anderson in the near future, saying she’s a threat to college campuses and America. When asked where, they declined to answer as Anderson was born in California, but suggested places such as O’Block in Chicago, a small Amish community in Pennsylvania and the state of Florida.
When President Mark A. Welsh III was asked to comment on the arrest of Anderson, he just pulled out a broccoli chain and repeatedly chanted, “Broccoli Gang!” to the camera, showcasing his support for the administration’s policies.
Anderson hopes people see her story and continue to protest.
“I never thought that I would become the face of this revolution,” Anderson said. “Even though my situation is dire, I urge people to not stop protesting and speaking truth into the world. This is a grave matter, and we must be loud to make change in this country.”
Anderson is scheduled to be sentenced on April 20, 2025.
Joshua Abraham is a kinesiology junior and opinion writer for The Battalion.
