It all started in AP chemistry, my junior year of high school.
Unfortunately for my sleep schedule, senioritis had struck a year early. Labs were piling up, assignments were being left until the last minute and — generally speaking — my life was going down the drain.
It all came to a head late one night. I had a lab on equilibrium constants that I had procrastinated. It was 3 a.m., and I was extremely tired.
If I took a nap in my bed, I wouldn’t wake up; at the same time, I couldn’t stay awake, either. So — I wondered — what could I do to remedy the situation?
That’s when I discovered sleeping in the shower.
I stumbled over to the bathroom, took a quick nap in the shower with the water running and finally set to work for the rest of the night after waking up. By the next day, my grade was in: 100%. And yes, I submitted my lab report in the shower, with the water on.
Coincidence? I think not. Clearly, the shower had been responsible for my success.
In the time since, I’ve made sleeping in the shower a bit of a pre-exam ritual. Every night I’ve utilized my completely reasonable process, I’ve scored higher on the exam than I expected to. And honestly, it’s a relaxing experience.
I could easily see myself ditching my bed for the shower in the future. Having a shower is basically just as good as having a bed. Not to mention, it’s a lot warmer, you never have to clean the sheets and you can basically just treat gas stations with showers like your own personal hotels.
Nonetheless, let’s return to the exam preparation side of shower sleeping. What continues to perplex me are the people who still use the “normal” methods of exam preparation. Take studying as an example.
Although generally regarded as effective, studying has some serious deficiencies that only a well-regarded shower sleeper — like myself — would be able to recognize. For one, no one enjoys going over a 200-card Quizlet five times. Secondly, studying takes time away from things you enjoy. On the other hand, shower sleeping has none of the deficiencies of studying and all of the benefits; specifically, improved average exam grades and test performance.
Even though the argument above is nearly impervious, the main reason to avoid studying and instead sleep in the shower is completely unrelated to the inherent benefits of the process. In short, it’s because people who study for exams using the normal methods are lame.
To put it in more academic terms, they’re geeks, they’re nerds and they’re betas. They’re among the lowest of humanity, and they’re probably t.u. fans.
I don’t know a single reputable person who actually studies for their exams. To be honest, the exam studiers probably should just choose easier classes on “Rate My Professors” so they don’t have to act like show-offs in class
Life is primarily about how you are perceived. If you’re seen as weird, you are weird, and if you’re seen as normal, you are normal. So take my advice: Sleep in the shower.
You might even enjoy it.
Kaleb Blizzard is a philosophy sophomore and opinion writer for The Battalion.
