I got a little story for ya, Ags.

On April 16, 2022, we students entered Sbisa Dining Hall like normal, blissful in our ignorance, only to find our beloved Texas-shaped waffle makers ripped from us with neither warning nor condolence.

On April 26, in response to this horrific obstruction of justice, your favorite opinion writer at The Battalion published an article lamenting the loss of the Texas Irons.

On April 27, I received an email from Big ‘Bisa himself, Aggie Dining, asking to meet to discuss the article. At this meeting, I was informed that A&M was suffering from those ever-present Texas-shaped waffle maker supply chain issues, but that our beloved Texas waffle makers would be replaced come fall.

At the start of the fall, we returned to Sbisa, (wa)full of hope in our naivete. University leadership had assured us of the return of our Texas Irons, and we had no reason to disbelieve them.

Oh, wait. Right.

Anyway, we entered Sbisa and what did we see?

Still, our Texas Irons were replaced by simplistic, unpatriotic circles. Still, this Yankee leadership bourgeoisie played us for fools.

As the days after the waffle maker’s continued disappearance stretched into weeks, students like engineering sophomore Hunter Cassidy began raising questions about A&M’s commitment to their students’ basic needs.

“‘An Aggie does not lie, cheat or steal,’ or so I am told, but I was informed that the Texas waffle irons would be returned after summer,” Cassidy said. “I’m dismayed to see that they are still missing four weeks into the semester.”

That sounds an awful lot like a lie to me. Philosophy sophomore Jonathan Posadas shared his sentiment.

“I’m devastated, heartbroken even,” Posadas said. “There’s a big giant Texas-waffle-iron-shaped hole in our hearts, and we absolutely need it to return.”

The weeks dragged on. The university ignored our pleas. In the face of the immense frustration presented by the waffle makers’ continued disappearance, engineering sophomore Jason Reynolds summed up students’ feelings best: “Simply where they at, though?”

It was at this point that Katherine Banks attempted what can only be called a perfectly (w)awful cover-up. She teamed up with Big University and tried to sweep the whole Texas waffle fiasco under the proverbial maroon and white rug.

I am, of course, referring to the recent merging of the Liberal Arts and Sciences colleges.

“But the merger’s been planned for over a year,” you might be saying. “There’s no way!”

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

The consolidation was first announced publicly in fall 2021. There’s no way anyone chosen to run this grand university of ours would be so out of touch to think this unification was a good idea.

This leaves only one possibility: They’d been planning the confiscation of the Texas Irons for much longer than we thought. They were holding the merger until it was absolutely necessary to draw students’ attention away from the “de-Texification” of the university, one waffle maker at a time.

They waited until we were at their wits’ end about the Texas Irons before officially announcing the merger. It was nothing more than a calculated distraction.

But all in vain.

I have good news for you, Ags — as of Wednesday, Sept. 28, the waffle makers have been reinstated in Sbisa! We did it!

Do you know what this means?

This proves that Banks and the rest of the university leadership aren’t completely disconnected from student needs. They listened! Surely, now that there’s no need to distract us from such a grievous offense as the seizure of our Texas Irons, it’s only a matter of time before the consolidation is rescinded.

I have complete and utter faith in university leadership, and Banks especially, to continue listening to students! They’ve been doing such a good job so far!

I got a little story for ya, Ags!

Old Rock, the good Ag, walked into his favorite dining hall one day to find his beloved Texas-shaped waffle maker missing.

But, he and the rest of the student body united! Together, with cries of “Remember the Texas Iron!” they brought about the return of their favorite waffle maker, despite a poorly executed cover-up attempt by Big University!

We did not go gentle into that Texas-shaped-waffleless night.

We rallied. We fought. And we won.

And that’s exactly what we’re gonna do to ‘em.

Charis Adkins is an English sophomore and opinion writer for The Battalion.