At the latest DOGE congressional hearing, “Anti-American Airwaves: Holding the Heads of NPR and PBS Accountable,” public officials got down to business, cracking down on radical ideology and draining the swamp.
Head honcho of the investigation, Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), is speaking up for the silent, moral majority: These outlets have a strictly communist agenda.
PBS’s secret plans to brainwash children were exposed at this hearing. Our souls are clearly in decline, and our children are at the center of a communist downward spiral.
Big Bird, the beloved muppet and national treasure to children all over the country, is actually a transgender Marxist spy.
Brainwashing kids into believing “sharing is caring” is nothing short of pure communism infiltrating the impressionable minds of the youth. Telling kids to care about the value of community service projects? Marxism.
When did we start teaching kids to rely on others for help? Gone are the days we teach kids how to be hard working individuals who pull themselves up by their sketcher shoelaces. NPR and PBS are defecating on core American values with Big Bird as their messiah.
Cookie Monster is literally a homeless, begging for cookies from a trash can. Is this the kind of example we want to be setting? Meanwhile, Bert and Ernie are predators with a homosexual agenda.
Both outlets are abusing taxpayer dollars to swiftly undercut the good Christian morals we are all called upon by our lord and savior, Pete Hegseth, to spread indefinitely.
Hard-working Americans are being scammed and abused. Each working American pays a whopping $1.60 each year toward the Corporation for Public Broadcasting that funds both outlets.
No wonder the country is in piles of debt. It’s not military spending, it’s certainly not public education spending — it’s Elmo and friends who are sucking the U.S. dry.
Do you know what else B.B. stands for, besides Big Bird? That’s right — Big Brother.
And they’re coming for your children, brainwashing them into oblivion and turning them into drones — drones that will turn against their own parents.
Big Bird is a biological man pretending to be a bird. And what do we call a man who deceives others into believing he is something else? Speaking in a high-pitched voice and being adorned with long, luscious feathers is nothing other than drag.
Right again: Big Bird has been a drag queen all along. For over 50 years, he’s been hiding his private parts from the public — confusing men’s sexualities, driving them away from morals and tricking them into believing he’s a friend to children all over the U.S.
We are letting publicly-funded media turn our brains into woke mush. They infiltrate every aspect of our lives. We cannot let this media frenzy rest until Big Bird and his cronies are put down.
Who needs publicly-funded news outlets anyway? Shouldn’t the information we consume be left up to the consumer? The free market provides purebred, racially hygienic and unbiased facts that reinstate the truth that women and men are fundamentally different.
Like how men are biologically made for the coal mines and women have innate cooking abilities — just plain biological fact. Anyone who claims otherwise is one of the sheeple, grazing with the blue-haired SJWs on the slaughter farm.
It’s time to end public broadcasting. No more sipping from the they/them house-crafted Kool-Aid. The new Manson family is the Muppet family.
For decades, we let transgenderism walk right under our noses. For all we know, Big Bird could be a transgender Marxist drag queen. It’s high time to publicly reveal Big Bird’s private parts to the world. Not only to determine what gender he really is, but we need to expose the state secrets he’s kept under his costume.
We need to start forming a group prayer and taking a knee outside of Congress in the rain — Aggies, it’s the only way.
The news should only be promoting traditional values dictated by a handful of higher-ups and us, good ol’ Christian straights. McCarthy was right: free speech is a privilege, NPR and PBS.
Sidney Uy is a dual philosophy & sociology sophomore and opinion writer for The Battalion.
